Felt tired all of a sudden, I wonder why.
Dang, guess I hafta go to sleep before I really zonk out. Had a really good night sleep yesterday, felt really energized when I woke up, but dropped dead in school again -.-

Training was fine. I don't know, I think it's more fun now, although the constant worry that my knee, ankle and calves will cock up is haunting me.

ponder ponder ponder.
Sometimes I can't help but feel pissed off. 看了不爽. Really nida control. Can't allow my emotions to get the better of me. But I just can't stand it lol. I think Qi understands heheheh. And maybe Crystal. whoopsies
Ah, I'm really tired. Shall stop here for now.


Sometimes we wonder what's the best for us, sometimes we question if we gave our very best.
Pushing further and emerging stronger, I guess it's easier said than done.
Questioning the existence and significance of emotions.


-Qi>> O.O Aiyah, revive it for awhile, and it gonna be dead soon. And NONONO flowers please. argh.
-Rae>> ha, whatever. Okay lah, the yellow song on your blog is quite nice. I went to download it(: And Jay Sean is really niceeee.
-Syl>> lmao. and that swim last sunday caused my shoulders to be darn painful.
-Anon>> ?
-Crystal>> HA jokers lah both of you.


is a nice song.
by Jay Sean, I like. I know Crystal probably finds it boring lalalala, but people like chan, qi and jacob will appreciate it(: Not sure about Rae, aiyah, that woman is only crazy about jay chou -.-

Anyways, today was quite mixed. I don't know. YOG Presentation was shitty, although I learnt quite alot of stuffs, but I want to have a nicer ambience to have the lecture. Drama performance was great, although it was freezing cold, but I shared my pe shirt with yibei so it felt fine. Heheh, cuddled together and sharing warmth. Sounds wrong :/ Then Chan koped my bball pants. I bet it felt shiok lo, my jersey shorts are comfy.

When I finally stepped out of PAC and embraced the sunlight, the feeling was warm and great. I thought things would be fine but it was destroyed by lunch -.- Someone exposed stuffs to me. EW. Only Rae and Qi understand what I'm talking about I guess, but seriously, the image is still imprinted in my mind. Yellow flowers -.-
I'm no pervert! hahaha, I don't make sense.

Was stoning in the gym but I was glad when qianye came along. Couldn't manage to convince her to get out of the gym. Training seems so fun now, just because I can't join it. The guys had a friendly match which was quite fun too watch, though it was abit rough and crazy at some point of time.
Things would have gone fine if they didn't come gl me man. They gonna have a fun time making fun of me the next few days. CHIEH.

Anyways, note of the day, I gonna be alive and kicking soon(: Felt really exhilarated and happy when I found out that my movement isn't restricted by my ankle injury already.


I'm still unwilling to break the ice. It isn't as if I can't afford to, but I just don't quite feel like it. I know that things would be fine if I reach out, but I still have to pass the stage of my self-pride.
It gonna take long, but whatever, not like I really need it.
Damn. Despite that, I wish things would have been better.

Why is it that communications are easier with people you aren't close to? Is it because the closer ones don't matter anymore, or is it because we just forget about the seemingly common pleasantries?


It's really difficult to receive reciprocation for one's commitment and have mutual understanding and trust, so why is it that when we finally manage to have things the way we always wanted it to be, we actually let them slip past our fingers that easily, as if its existence was merely a pure coincidence?
Was the process of achieving the things which we yearned for, that exciting?

It takes long to trust someone but it is easy to disappoint them by making them feel that they have had their trust misplaced. Trust can enable people to go through tumultuous times easily, because it's the strong unseen and unspoken power that is simply blinding. We don't acknowledge its existence till we witness how relationships are either made stronger or broken by it. I don't know, it is difficult to get so far, so why let those accusing assumptions change the status quo?

Ever wondered why people cry?
They could be upset, disappointed, happy, or simply, those could be crocodile tears. There can actually be so many reasons for a single action, but when we see someone crying in a corner, we always assume that he/she is sad. Or maybe she's just a whiny pig who can't stop crying.
I think we really have this bad attribute; being assuming. Get the facts right before conclusions are being laid down. Even without exactly directing the fault, the mere mention of it hurts. The suspicion, the accusation, the distrust - there are so many signs to interpret and so many emotions felt, is it fair?

I seriously don't think misinterpretations are a result of the lack of mutual understanding. I know I used to think like that but come to think of it, we can't expect the other party to be the bug in our tummy and brain, understanding everything that we're thinking, when we don't mention anything. How would they know everything - when we gonna eat, when we gonna shit, when we gonna feel like boxing people, when we feel like zi-highing, when we feel like we are being damned, and yes, it sounds weird, but mood swings do permit a cycle of thoughts which seems incapable of being perceived right?

zzzz
Commitment sucks.

Anyways, today was fine. I thought the CME learning journey was quite fun. I mean, at least we're moving and walking around. The weather was fine. I kinda liked the downpour. If only I had an extra shirt to get drenched in the rain.

I'm tired. Shall go sleep. and ohmygod I nearly sprained my ankle again. was just twisting here and there, and ALMOST ALMOST sprained it again. Scary. Okays, I'm scared now. Chicken -.-


My head hurts. It's as if something plunged down from the sky and landed on my head with a loud thump. argh.
My ankle is still slightly swollen although it ain't feeling heavy anymore. Practised self-control today when I didn't ball heheheh. Shooting a few balls don't count. But it really irks me when I feel so stupidly heavy and slow.

Got back my results today. They were fine I suppose. Since I mugged kinda lot this year, I can only be satisfied with whatever I have. :/ Blah, screw those who goit darn bloody high results but are still unsatisfied. Can't stand those people whining and complaining about how they can get higher marks and how careless they are blahblah.
Seriously, it only hurts one's morale. Makes me feel stupid.

This year gonna come to a close soon. Time passed really fast, and we gonna hit 16 soon. Never realised we got this far did we?


Exams are over.
I know this post is like, super lag, but I didn't really have the time and mood to blog.... :/

Sprained my ankle today. It felt and was horrible. Went to the sinseh just now and I can feel my ankle being heavy and aching. Darn. Trust the first day of training to turn out like that. Thought alot after training, and maybe even too much..... I guessed I look horrid then, but thanks Crystal loads for lending a listening ear(:
I wish my ankle recovers fast, cos it really sucks when your movements are restricted and you have to mind every action, in case you're over-exerting yourself.
And as usual, my dad made alot of noise. I really hate facing nags although I know that they're right most of the time.

Forgot what I wanted to type and I don't really have the mood anymore. I'm really bored of everything now manz. Gonna continue this soon.


Have been slacking my ass off the past few days and although I think I basically know most of the stuffs, I feel super unprepared.
AH WHAT THE HELL.

Shouldn't have slacked like some nobody's business man. It's really hard to get my emotions and attitude back on track.
But nevertheless, last friday was real fun. Balled with Comint and Crystal, and although the environment was kinda horrible because of the lack of wind and the sultry sun, touching the ball once again felt really great. Although the touch is long gone and I'll probably take like million years to get it back again, I felt kinda carefree.... or how would you put it? Ah. Too lazy to think. Shall just express myself in baby terms.

Then met up with gang (heh) and queued for an hour or more for dinner at Ashtons. Caught up alot, laughed at little things, and felt the close bond again despite not having seen each other for months.
Must plan okay!
Definitely not me, cos you know that not only will it be a great failure, the meet-up wouldn't even be carried out :/

Gonna turn in soon, because it's the battle against physics and chinese tomorrow. Two horrible subjects which I suck at, big time.

All the best people, don't give up(:

two more days, to attaining freedom from the suffocating pressure of exams.


The days passed by faster than I expected, and tomorrow will be day 3 already. Man, time really passes quickly. To think I was still lamenting about how far exams were, when I was most aware that I would not have enough time if I continued procrastinating.


I'm blasting Straight through my heart in the room, and ah, solitude is soothing and calm. I know it's contradictory, but I've been feeling kind of weird nowadays. Sudden mood swings and emotions going on rollercoaster rides, unexplainable and distant.


Credits to Stock Exchange.

Haven't posted pictures for really long and this purply sunset made me feel mysterious. A different queer emotion evoked.
Oh damn, I have the least idea of what I'm posting. I seem to be spamming posts like mad, as if I've loads of time to spare. :/

Today was surprisingly constructive lol. At least I finished the things I wanna. Tomorrow gonna be a long day and the battle gonna start.

I was just thinking randomly, at what age do you want to leave your house, escape the clutches of your parents, embrace the real society out there and be self-sufficient? It's not like I'm abandoning my parents or anything, cos that's another total different thing, but what I was thinking is about self-sufficiency and independence.

I know I yearn independence and freedom alotalot, that's why I really abhor my parents nagging at the late times I reach home, but I know the society is critical, harsh and unforgiving. We have been protected and life has been comfortable for us, and even if we were to fail at times, there was always our parents to cushion the fall and make it less painful. And I think it's easier said than done to climb up after the fall.

And what about tending to those bruises which will scar the past forever?
What about stereotypical thinking that the present is the reminder of the past, and if changes were not made, the past would be reflected in the future?

sian. We can't get the best of both worlds can we?
:(

I want the best of both worlds man. Like, if people were to ask you to choose between a burger and spaghetti, why can't we just answer: I WANT BOTH! and then we'll have a yummy sumptuous meal, and everyone's happy(: I know it's a bad comparison, but I'm feeling hungry now and it's too late to cook instant noodles. OR MAYBE I CAN actually..... ha, okay I shall consider feeding that hungry bug in my tummy later. I feel great at the thought of food.


Why are we made to choose?


stupid shitty thing.
I seem to lose focus more than usual nowadays, just when I need it most. Ahhh :(
Got to get back on track and stuffs. I really feel kinda lazy now, although I know it's already the last lap. Get it over and done with manmanman.
I need motivation.
motivation
motivation

To Love Again by Alesha Dixon is nice(:
How does it feel to be young again? Gosh I feel old.
Although I have many years ahead of me and stuffs like that, I did wonder about things that gonna happen in the future.
Like I did tell myself that I would die as a contented woman at the age of 60, and the only thing that I really seek for is having the capability to go round the world.... But i need money :/ Nah, I don't need love and a companion and blahblahblah and all the stereotypical stuffs to accompany me the last few years of my life cos I believe self-sufficiency will walk me through. I just need super close friends who don't mind the way I am, taking in all my horribly bad habits like spitting food and drinks out if I hear something alarming or amusing. lol.

Which reminds me of yesterday. Stupid qi said something, then i just spit out the water. The guy who was walking in my direction was quite shocked, although he wasn't affected by the ribena. hehehe.

Mass cleared of my iTunes library, realised I actually listen to quite alot of crap. And I've really really old songs that can make me fall asleep, but it feels great to listen to them on a stormy night.

>> Qi: lol. nothing lah

My fav class pic, koped from chan's blog(:



tonight, another stormy night?


I used to think that airports made people feel melancholic when people left, yet one can feel euphoric after seeing people reunite. The sweet feeling that tingles has the power to uplift the mood and make things seem more peaceful. I don't know, just had the thought, since my mum and aunt just left the house for the airport. Gonna go somewhere for some days; forgot the details. Didn't really bother asking anyways, I just wished her bon voyage, gave her a long hug, and she left. Didn't follow my siblings to send her off, because I don't wanna cope with the nagging feeling when I leave the place.

Today's photo taking was kinda a waste of time. -.- But I did maths, so it's fine, although I could have did more, if only my brain didn't freeze or konk out.

Our paths once crossed, and they still probably do, but it doesn't matter anymore, because we didn't realise that we didn't walk through the journey long enough, nor did we do everything hand in hand. Surface value discussions was a deceiving facade for the strong bond people thought we shared. Maybe even we were taken in by those laughters which were short-lived and patronising to some extent, but we chose to believe that we were brooding over matters too much, and maybes everyone was just having fun.
We probably were, I don't know.
You definitely was.
Extension of social circles like a wire coil; did that make things better and more fulfilling? How does it feel to say hellos to 10 people in a row, and have a smile seemingly plastered on your face? I don't know, I would feel terrible and my mouth once ached before (my mouth can actually ache man). I rather have long laughters that make my stomach and mouth ache.

I wonder why things still prompt me to think, even when I hurled them to the back of my head. Telling myself that things are enough at this conjuncture and we probably can just sit back and watch how events unfold isn't enough, is it?

stop this train.
this train of thoughts
never ending
never fulfilling
why pursue it when it will lead nowhere?

Just need something to preoccupy my mind because I've seriously been mentally and physically unfit.
Let's just hope exams will be over in a flash before we even expect it.


when everything falls apart and you can never ever pick the pieces up again, you wish there was something to make life worth living for.

Did much reflection today. Had a bad quarrel when I reached home, so things didn't really turn well for me. Sat down and did some reflection on my diary before mugging and it felt really good to let off steam. Steam or tears, they're the same I guess. Water in different states lol.

I guess the bottom line is, only after losing some then will you appreciate what you gain thereafter. And I think it's really true. We always wish for something non-existent, or we'll try improving the way things are. Never satisfied with status quo, we constantly search for things to make life less mundane but we'll never realise that things are fine the way they are, right?
I don't know, I think I really grew up these 3 years, and that mental change is scaring me. Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be laid-back and nonchalant about the surrounding changes, because the feeling of being carefree and beholden to nothing is something worth seeking for.


Andand, I'm really in awe of your dedication. Didn't really realise it until today when I thought of it. It gonna spur me on to achieve even more; things that I once thought were impossible. But really, that was one motivation I needed manz, although I don't think you even know it.

Footprints left and erased, what's left behind?