Just felt super tired suddenly. It's like, I suddenly thought, why the hell am I putting myself through so much trouble when I don't even feel the urgency to study or do anything meaningful? I just wish to drop to sleep now. Although I can't remember my dreams and I just wake up feeling empty, at least, when I'm asleep, I know what I'm doing. Resting my mind and soul at least.

I haven't mugged genetic engineering but I don't feel uptight or anything. Yeah, maybe it's called taking it easy or something, but I think I'm taking it simply too easy. I need someone to slap me awake or chide me till I break down until I've no more tears or energy to continue anymore.
Maybe this is one of the obstacles I've to overcome to make myself stronger, but that needs effort, time and energy. I know I'm thinking too much; I always do, and being a student is actually so much easier than being a working adult, but I'm just that weak.

I thought being out with Jialing at Clarke Quay, enjoying the breeze and snacking on chips while chatting would helped to released all the stress in me, but it didn't. That one hour of rest and relaxation did great for me, but when I reached home and showered, it was all gone.

I think I've issues.
I aint seeking for anybody to understand or try to decipher how I'm feeling because I don't need it. I'm sick and tired of myself being attacked by sudden waves of emotions just like that. It's not the frustration of not understanding why, but it's the disappointment that I actually lack self-control and my behaviour and moods are going downhill and nearly incomprehensible.

Letting go and no one knows...
you cry but you don't tell anyone.................
and you tied together with a smile.............
haha, taylor swift, on itunes shuffle.
Just nice.

Let it all out. just let them flow endlessly, and your thoughts may just disappear like that.
maybe i should go sleep. after a good night's sleep, I might feel more refreshed and better.
Ponning french tomorrow. I'm seriously not in any mood to pretend I'm hyper and awake. Once, I studied French for the passion for the language, the beauty of it. But now, though I still find it a wonderful language, my mind just tells me that no matter how much you like it, you aint going to succeed. You're too tired and feeble to.

I know it takes time to pick myself up and become carefree and happy-go-lucky, and I definitely hope I'll. But, if I didn't fall in the first place, how the hell do I pick myself up?
usually, when I feel a pang of sadness or disappointment, I would talk to jacob or chan... but I aint going to trouble anyone anymore. It definitely feels better talking to someone but I gonna try getting out of this myself.

This is stupid.

Sleep it away and who knows, tomorrow, you'll see me normal and silly again. But those who really understands would know it's just a facade. What exactly do I want to conceal? I don't know. I've a perfect family, understanding parents who give me freedom every kid can possibly ask for, enough money and happiness and friends to live my days by, what else do i want?

A message from Nicole, a french friend just made me feel better(: That girl is one sweet one.

Friends are like umbrellas. Once you open it, it's hard to close it tight. So I'm not going to open this umbrella in my heart because I'll never want to lose you.

maybe I'll just stay strong for others. for those who need a listening ear. for those whom I can help somehow. Yeah, I shall be there.