无能为力 - 石欣卉



I like these pictures. I just love the sunsets.
Was walking to the CC for yoga just now cos my dad couldn't fetch me there, and saw the huge empty plot of land filled with loads of people (ironic but oh well...). Many people were having their versions of "family day" there and they were having so much fun flying kites and picnic-ing together.
Felt myself smiling to myself for a moment. Then I had a thought. As we grow and our commitments pile up, although we seem to undergo a significant change and turn more profound (and busy?) on the outside, we actually turn more hollow inside.

I think it's true. I mean, look at the change in me now, I actually study abit more when there aren't even major exams. Not that I'm being forced to, but I feel that I need to. I guess the muggers around me are affecting me. Sigh. Then after a day of mugging and slacking in between, I actually forget what I've done at the end of the day. When I just pause and take a break, I'll go : ey, what did I do ah?? It'll take me a few seconds to recall.

Last monday's morning was scary for me. When I was awakened by my phone, I was like: ARGH. damn. What day is it today? Then it took me more than usual to realise, and I was like, what! oh my shit.
Then I felt a slight wave of panic, although I already did my homework and chionged every possible shit already. And that panic woke me up totally, so I didn't go to bed to sleep again. hehe.

It's probably a small matter that isn't worth a mention, but I have this weird obsession with self-control and self-awareness. I want everything about myself to be explained and understood.
GAH.


I think this picture is ugly. And when I was browsing through images, I chuckled to myself when I saw the title of picture.

Stairway to HEAVEN

Joke right. If that's the stairway to heaven, then what's nice plots of grasses?
Amusing.

Chinese New Year is coming in the following week and next week is tests and tourns.
MUST PIA!
I guess wanting to achieve something and showing that you wanna achieve it are two different things. And who will know our inner thoughts if we don't show them explicitly?

Managed to mug abit today, although I think I still wasted quite a lot of time sleeping, eating, slacking, stoning and spacing out. Nevermind, I shall mug effectively, and not mug hardcorely, since both achieve the same results for me. I still wanna be a happy student learning new stuffs everyday, for the joy of it.

I always believed that when you are really interested in doing something and yearn to achieve something out of it, no matter how fatigued you feel, you will have that unconscious joy of learning something more, and that is something that people are often unaware of. So everytime when I hate doing something, I try to psycho myself into liking it. Or when I feel exasperated but I don't wanna affect anyone, I just try to plaster a smile first and make myself feel less irritated, while psychoing myself to chill and that everything's alright. Breathe in.... breathe out........

I guess it's the same thing for people skills. If you sorta force yourself to close one eye on someone's negative points, you'll probably feel less irked when you see him. Of course, if his weaknesses and asshole-ness are so glaring, you just punch him to prevent yourself from bursting a artery. It's not worth it to go through all those emotional turmoil all the time right?

Images koped from Jingmei's blog.
Melissa's Bday party.



Why are the pictures blur o.o


Was it complacency on our part or our weakness to rise up to the challenge? Whatever it is, it isn't going to happen again.