Shiny sparkly water droplets. The light rays made me miss day all of a sudden. The vibrant sun beams shining down and the intense heat ....

I just wanna spend an entire day at the beach, suntanning and sleeping, with no one around of course. There's this "thing" about suntanning that will let people raise their eyebrows. No, I'm not a vain pot who cares about how she looks like, because there isn't anyone to satisfy. Why would I bother about getting the acknowledgement and recognition of others if I don't feel 100% comfortable with who I am yet? I think it's all about meeting the standards and expectations you set for yourself and achieving them. It's not exactly about being thin or what, but it's about not being fat. Fat thighs, ROAR. Ahhhhh! hehe. I'm always thinking what I'll become when those muscles turn into fats. OHNO.
Although my skin colour kinda sucks since I don't get the nice golden tan, I don't want to be white, and I just love the sun (: Rather than waiting for global warming to worsen and more stupid UV rays attack my skin, I shall enjoy the sun asap hehe.


Don't have the mood to do anything. Damn it.
After that teeny weeny conflict with my mum. Wasn't allowed to stay overnight at Rae's house. I don't know which was which; whether she was annoyed that it was a short notice or whether I was staying overnight. They just don't entertain the idea... Sometimes I wonder what's going through their minds. They claim that they trust me and now they're saying that I'm taking the freedom for granted. -.-

I'm censoring myself like mad, when vulgarities are streaming through my mind right now. Since I don't believe in my self-control, I might as well just learn how to auto-censor.
And my grandma made some comments which irked me, although her tone told me that she was just concerned and nice. She thought I was going out with my boyfriend and it would be a good thing if I just stayed at home, I won't worry my parents by fooling around. I can't understand her perceptions and mindsets. She hasn't changed one bit since 5 years ago. I still remember it till today, when Nigel Ng called my house number for 3 times (ONLY!) and when I came home, she was rather harsh and kinda reprimanded that I must behave myself. -.- damn it. Am I suppose to wear a veil when I leave the house?! and that's why Jacoblim, you cannot come to my house you idiot. haha.

zzzz. Why am I typing such personal stuffs here. Things just aren't as liberal as they are.
And for goodness sake, when can they believe that I aint like other girls. oh fuck. [oops]
Exasperated now.
I think they call it bek-cek.
Maybe if they send a PI to follow me, they'll realise that I lead a very boring life. School, mug, ball, go home -.- at most, I'll stop by some hawker centre to grab some yummy food, or stop by the bubble tea stall that I LOVE ALOTALOT.
Ha, it's a waste of time anyway. I mean, the time spent on those loveydovey stuffs could be used to read more books, go watch sunsets, suntan, play ball, or makan, isn't it?

And why did I slash ball?
That's simply because since tournaments have ended, no more bball for me. Seriously I've to start concentrating on my studies. Have been procrastinating these few days because I really didn't have the resolve. Now I don't have the mood too. I know this is a very bad attitude, but I will change or at least FORCE myself to change, because jeopardizing my studies to do things as and when I like would be stupid.
But for today, I shall sleep and wake up earlier tomorrow.

Oh and people, er, please do not tag anything that will remind me of today's conflict, thanks. Sometimes I just want to feel heartened by the fact that somewhere in some corner of the earth there are memories of the past, in case I turn into a bitch one day. Sometimes it just takes self-realization to change the status quo.


Now I see if I wear a mask i can fool the world, but I cannot fool my heart

Reflections.