Speech day yesterday...
I felt indifferent. Really. I don't even know why, but I didn't feel proud or anything. Sianz.
When the award recipients had their academic achievements announced, I felt a pang of admiration, jealously and inferiority. Admiration for their capability, jealousy.... I think it's too strong a word, but no, I wasn't exactly very jealous ha. Inferiority because I might never achieve half of what they actually did, in a lifetime.
but it's alright! I guess I've to just stay content with who I am.

It's really hard to stay true to yourself at times, because there are always people way in front of you, and their achievements are so glaring that you can't help but slow down and look at yourself. You don't exactly self-reproach, but you wonder if you can improve and change for the better, with everything inside you intact, unmoved.


Concert was great. The passion for arts and the time spent on fine-tuning their every note - it really made me wonder if I actually felt as strongly for something before at all. Whenever things seem too distant, unreachable and unattainable, I always hide myself in cocoon with some plausible excuse.
Take Thursday for example. Sucked totally. Had to confront my suckiness as a pg again, and I was worried once again. Stupid. Hate it. Then Mr Low had to come and tell me that I need to improve my moves and can't keep shooting. That I agree, but that was a really wrong timing for those words of advice, wasn't it? I was kinda choked with tears when replying him at first but I managed to keep those emotions in check, so he didn't figure it out.

Went to the basketball court to sit a while and was glad that it was really dark. Only wished that the court was empty, then I would have had more peace and serenity.

On a brighter note, I'm going out to have a great rest today (:
gonna go meet jacob at cityhall and go suntec and lalalala.
And I think after everything I gonna have a night walk. Breathe in some fresh air. This totally sounds like some schedule of some old aunty. I really lead an uninteresting life.


Change without lingering in the shadows of others, is that actually possible?