Just felt super tired suddenly. It's like, I suddenly thought, why the hell am I putting myself through so much trouble when I don't even feel the urgency to study or do anything meaningful? I just wish to drop to sleep now. Although I can't remember my dreams and I just wake up feeling empty, at least, when I'm asleep, I know what I'm doing. Resting my mind and soul at least.

I haven't mugged genetic engineering but I don't feel uptight or anything. Yeah, maybe it's called taking it easy or something, but I think I'm taking it simply too easy. I need someone to slap me awake or chide me till I break down until I've no more tears or energy to continue anymore.
Maybe this is one of the obstacles I've to overcome to make myself stronger, but that needs effort, time and energy. I know I'm thinking too much; I always do, and being a student is actually so much easier than being a working adult, but I'm just that weak.

I thought being out with Jialing at Clarke Quay, enjoying the breeze and snacking on chips while chatting would helped to released all the stress in me, but it didn't. That one hour of rest and relaxation did great for me, but when I reached home and showered, it was all gone.

I think I've issues.
I aint seeking for anybody to understand or try to decipher how I'm feeling because I don't need it. I'm sick and tired of myself being attacked by sudden waves of emotions just like that. It's not the frustration of not understanding why, but it's the disappointment that I actually lack self-control and my behaviour and moods are going downhill and nearly incomprehensible.

Letting go and no one knows...
you cry but you don't tell anyone.................
and you tied together with a smile.............
haha, taylor swift, on itunes shuffle.
Just nice.

Let it all out. just let them flow endlessly, and your thoughts may just disappear like that.
maybe i should go sleep. after a good night's sleep, I might feel more refreshed and better.
Ponning french tomorrow. I'm seriously not in any mood to pretend I'm hyper and awake. Once, I studied French for the passion for the language, the beauty of it. But now, though I still find it a wonderful language, my mind just tells me that no matter how much you like it, you aint going to succeed. You're too tired and feeble to.

I know it takes time to pick myself up and become carefree and happy-go-lucky, and I definitely hope I'll. But, if I didn't fall in the first place, how the hell do I pick myself up?
usually, when I feel a pang of sadness or disappointment, I would talk to jacob or chan... but I aint going to trouble anyone anymore. It definitely feels better talking to someone but I gonna try getting out of this myself.

This is stupid.

Sleep it away and who knows, tomorrow, you'll see me normal and silly again. But those who really understands would know it's just a facade. What exactly do I want to conceal? I don't know. I've a perfect family, understanding parents who give me freedom every kid can possibly ask for, enough money and happiness and friends to live my days by, what else do i want?

A message from Nicole, a french friend just made me feel better(: That girl is one sweet one.

Friends are like umbrellas. Once you open it, it's hard to close it tight. So I'm not going to open this umbrella in my heart because I'll never want to lose you.

maybe I'll just stay strong for others. for those who need a listening ear. for those whom I can help somehow. Yeah, I shall be there.


running a flu now. I'm sure of it, and I hope I don't get a fever. ohgosh.
Yoga was fine, except that the instructor said I had sweaty feet so I have to wear socks next time, in case I slip -.-

Mugged chengyus and I think I'm done. Just refresh them in my mind tomorrow and I might be able to breeze it through.
GOnna go sleep already. Just hope that I"ll feel slightly awake tomorrow.
No moodiness tomorrow
GOonights people, sleep tight(:



Didn't see it coming..... thought it wasn't true. You don't know it either, do you?


Chan: lol. play ball when there's lesser tests? and we gonna play ball during PE soon(: cos other classes are playing rugby so I suppose we'll play bball? IDK. thanks for saving me hahas
Rae: LOL. that isn't emo you dodobird. Emo would be something like: why is the world turning against me. Am i that unworthy of anything? Maybe I shouldn't even live on this earth.
Ohyahs, and remember that I WANNA HUG YOU joke? :D
Jingmei: lol. chill. fish.
Sylvia: hahas. I thought you knew? IDK, they say one.
Richard: lols.
Melissa: harlos(:
Ben: lol. yours isn't that alive too.
Jerald: yo


Haven't been online for days, since my internet was down.
The past week was an arduous, emotional one for me. Many things occurred, and sudden rushes of emotions just flooded my thoughts and I was left there standing alone, wondering what in the world was happening to me.
Sorry for the sudden moodiness, although I made sure i regained my normal self after a while. It's tiring to put on a fake front, so that you won't affect the emotions of people, but I always try my best yeah.

Am at the Bishan library now. Wanted to mug and stuffs but I just only managed to research the negative effects of peer pressure. Everything is so screwed and lagging behind time. Sigh, I guess i can still manage it somehow. Just got to make sure I've ample rest and a sufficient intake of fruits(: Bananas and apples.
Yoga tonight(: That's probably the only hour everyday whereby I'll relax, but sweat it out.

Training yesterday wasn't good or bad either. bad cos I really really lost my ball touch, but good cos I tried regaining my shooting feel and I sweated kinda lots(:
Mugged with crystal at Marine Parade library and it was kinda effective I suppose. Gossiped a little while she accompanied me to wait for my dad. Ahaas, LENGTH. >< (just a private joke which I shared with her.)

I think I'm falling sick. Woke up in the middle of the night to realise I had a runny nose. Spent around 15 minutes in the toilet trying to sneeze it out and ended up with one red nose. Thank god the library isn't really cold and I've my thick sweater to keep me warm. And I need not rush to nearby Macs or libraries for the internet, cos the wireless connection at home is done already(:
I'm wondering what's wrong with my body nowadays. It's so confusing and I can't really understand what's wrong. When I slept more the previous day, I feel more tired the next day. When I don't have enough sleep, I'll get cranky and moody at the start of the day.
Tell me, what's best for me?

Sigh. Tomorrow's Monday again. I've to start embracing the new week again. I just wish there was a day whereby I could just take a walk by the beach to enjoy the warm breeze. Then after that, I'll lie on the beach to stare at the sky, while waiting for the sun to set. I gonna witness a sunrise/sunset one day.
That whole day would have nothing to do with homework, projects, assignments and deadlines to meet. Then, I'd have relaxed the entire day and I would have the mood to start embracing the never-ending list of necessary requirements I've to meet.

Maybe it's wishful thinking? I don't know.
Maybe I'm just thinking too much, thinking that I'm the sad, stressed one here when everyone is experiencing the same thing, except they manage to look at it from different perspectives.