So many things happened the past few weeks since school started, and I'm watching a drama while typing this and I think multi-tasking's real fun.

Tourns
The first 3 matches were brilliant, with the team being bonded, showing the rest what we could. Each match just got better and our play was really getting together.

My role in the team changed, and it was till I talked to Qi today that I realised the significance in the difference Being a pointguard last time, I was just in charge of passing (properly) and head-starting the game play. But being a shooter now, it feels different. I don't know, never once was i able to cope with stress properly. Argh, I guess I just need to practise and perfect my shots. ARGH.

Yesterday's match was I-don't-know-what-to-say. We weren't diligent as CCH, we didn't seem to want to win as much, we were more lag, we didn't get our rebounds as we should and plus plus plus. Nevermind, it's all over, we can make it(: Anyway I think it's a good wake-up call so we should all just stay strong.

Went for dinner with Syl and Cheryl at Plaza Sing just now. caught up kinda lot, and talked.
People really change and their motives behind their actions are so inconceivable.
Why are people so weird?
aiyo.

Feeling kinda tired now.
and my head still hurts from the bump on Yvonne's head.
And I'm going pok. I want to buy so many things, but I'm pok! :/
And I've a whole lot of work to do which I gonna chiong tomorrow.
And I'm looking forward to Sunday which is family day(: I guess I really like a break.

Just about enough
Can’t take anymore of you
Just about enough
You got me over the edge


- Sarina Paris Just About Enough

I thought I would be at home doing some decent work or something constructive, but everything was kinda upsetted when my bro came back.
His shirt was torn apart by his (stupid) friend (who can't do anything but pull the sleeve off people's shirts zzz -.-) and my grandma made a big fuss. Ohwells, I'm not blaming her since she's old and tired and everything, and I definitely understand the exasperated, tired feeling and the PMS mood (although I think it's menopause for her ha). If I were her I would have daoed the entire world with that bushuang face of mine. And sulk really bad.

Talked to him for awhile and he chilled down. Now he's snoring away in his room after a day of bball practice while I'm here sitting in front of the com feeling emotional and thinking alot when it isn't even my problem. What the POK.
But I guess I can see the great difference in his attitude and behaviour. Guys really change damn lot.

It's alarming how people are shaped by their change. In this time and day, it is difficult to stand by your principles and opinions when you upset the norm, instead of blending in with the crowd. I guess the only thing I can feel heartened about is that he still listens although I think we will distance as the years go by. Damn, relationships are so hard to maintain.

When I was talking to him about self-control and understanding, I saw myself in him. I don't know. It is definitely easier to be an onlooker and preach about right and wrong, but when you are in that situation, there are so many things to consider.
How do people remain expressionless when they hear something shocking? How do people hide behind the facade they build so well? How do you act calm and composed when deep inside, you are feeling so emotional that you will let out an outburst of invective, if you are further antagonized?



When you are angry, you think the world is against you.


Tourns are coming. I hope I won't let down anybody.

When we give it our all, there would be no room for regrets.


Qi had this nice list of reflections to do and the questions were quite thought-provoking so I decided to do them(: Found out many things which I never thought I thought that way.

What was the single best thing that happened this past year?
When I came back really late, like 11.30, and my parents did not make a big fuss, even though I just told them I was "going somewhere". This may seem peanuts to some, but I was dreading to go home at that time, and when they really said nothing, I was like WOW, and felt so happy (:
I'm really glad I was given much freedom last year. Sometimes when they start nagging about how dangerous it is for girls (my age) to stay out that late, or when they read newspaper articles about how stupid some girls are, like having sex somewhere somehow (I don't really know how actually) with some weird old guy (often some teacher or some guy who probably looks like shit), and start lecturing ME, I'll start joking around and I do get away with it at times(:

Like: "Aiyah, I'm so black, cannot even see, how to touch" "This standard, you think anyone will want to see meh"
Hah, since my mum already agrees that my back is less "runway-like" than my front, and she always suan me: "这么黑这么难看，以后没有男人要"
Can't understand why White = beauty.
SIAO.
Imagine me being Snow White, like WHITE.

Nearly died right?
(Edit: Rae: Are you implying black is beautiful?
NO LAH aiyoyo! -.- hahah I smirked when I saw your comment. Your comments are always unexpected man)

What was the single most challenging thing that happened?
Trying not to let my emotions affect the way I treat people.
I guess it's really difficult not to have "SCRAM, I'M PISSED" written clearly on your face when it's one of your bad days and you're feeling really awful because you have your monthly thing and it's really annoying, or you just quarreled with your mum that morning over some tiny thing like you slamming your door too loudly after she nagged at you. accidentally okay, it was the WIND. yah, early in the morning, the wind is really STRONG)
Then when I cool down I start regretting hollering at that someone and shock him/her with the sudden outburst but I don't exactly wanna apologise either.

What was an unexpected joy this past year?
Feeling happy when seeing couples among my friends.
I thought I was the kind who was totally anti-BGR, but the tingling-sweet feeling is really nice.
Of course, it's different from those couples you see on the mrt where the guy seems to be groping the female or he seems to wanna devour her mouth.
AH, disgusting.

What was an unexpected obstacle?
Unable to decipher my emotions. I thought I understood myself quite well. Realised that there's a whole new side of me that has yet to be uncovered. zzz.

Pick 3 words to describe 2009
Exhilarating. Understanding. Self-realising

What were the best books you read last year?
Didn't really read alot last year. I know i liked one detective book but I'm too lazy to move my butt to check out the book at the bookshelf. Gonna read more this year. I don't like this question the most.

With whom were your most valuable relationships? And why?
This answer gonna be long.
Really.
Family
There were more quarrels between me and my mum last year. Can't help it when no one wanna break the ice, but I guess things are alright already. Am closer to my dad (cos he gives me money heehee). He doesn't question any of my decisions, and I guess the only thing that he nags is about me being chor lor, slamming things and being unglam. zzz, ideal daughter = demure and lady-like. Which means, I CAN'T MAKE IT.
The only thing I'm certain that I can reduce is my use of vulgarities.

My granny and I got closer last year. I don't know why, but we used to have cold wars over nothing. She didn't seem to like me, maybe cos she found that I didn't make a good elder sibling, considering the laid back attitude of mine and how I lack femininity. Can't cook, don't take the initiative to do household chores..... anything that relates to future-housewife, you say it, you got it - I just can't do it.
Then she stopped picking on me, and I was also more responsive as a result. I always cared for her but just didn't show my concern in case she gave me some negative response, leaving me awkward and having nothing to say. I really hate that feeling.

Distanced from my siblings, like we have lesser small talk. Am still their mediator and "preacher", but I think I make a really awful sister cos I don't give cute little presents, nor do I shower them with love and concern, or go frantic when they injure themselves.

Chan
Definitely didn't think the person I would click best would be you. Our personalities seem to be poles apart, and our interests didn't even seem similar. Yet, we could somehow talk about anything, even though school life is seriously -.- that there is nothing much to talk about. I suppose it's precisely because of this, that's why we began gaining an insight about each other's past history and experiences.
Thanks for letting me into your world of secrets first, which resulted in me unknowingly opening up. And for proving that my past belief of not having the need to have someone to talk to, is wrong.

You said I taught you loads of things; you also did influence me kinda lot. I think I turned more vulgar! OH NO ):
Hahah, I turned more expressive and you gave me some feminine influence, although it wasn't really a lot. And you're one of the few people I know who are really well-balanced. The guy and girly sides of you are really great, except I still can't find the joy of shopping. And I hate it when you dress super nice nice and I'm like a HORRIBLE CONTRAST beside you. I guess no one would think you're guyish or something, but yeh, I can feel that man guy in you! hahaa.

Team
We got closer and it's really nice when we just hang out and have fun. I don't think I'll feel that comfortable with anyone else, speaking my mind without thinking twice cos I know I wouldn't be judged. Jiayous for tourns wheehee(:

Gang
Haven't met up for a long while! Reminiscence of the past always makes me smile and I'm still thankful that I have you peeps.


What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?
I became more confident as a person.
2007 and 2008 were two years which I felt horrible for myself. Those acne breakouts made me feel like shit. I did not dare to look at strangers in the eye cos I kept thinking they were staring at my horrible skin and thinking "aiyo, what happened to her face". Really regretted not taking care of my skin in p6 and I'm still living with the regret till today. The trip to the skin center recently did improve things though. But I'm not hoping for miracles. So holey and spammed with scars. Prft.

Oh and I forgot my horrible bad white hair which were multiplying at the rate of cell division. Seriously! I still remember the time when I was super pissed and I plucked out 17 of them, only to regret them a few days later when I saw white short strands of hair sticking out. And it was so obvious and fugly that every morning before school I had to gel it down or clip them. The old saying that one white hair plucked out = 3 new white hair is certainly true I SWEAR.

Now henna solves that stupid problem (: It turns all my white hair red and conditions the black ones. After exposure to sunlight, the white hair will go through a colour change from red > Orange > Golden and white again. That's why I have to henna my hair monthly but I don't like the hay/herbal/coffee smell when the hair is damp.

So yah, outwardly I felt like an ugly bitch and that was why I only opened up to people I was really close to.


What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?
Crying cos I was disappointed in myself.
I think it's a bloody waste of time because feeling sorry for yourself is the stupidest thing that you can ever do. Who else is supposed to feel sorry for you too? Are you going to waste your time sitting there, mourning about how sucky life is, instead of spending the time picking yourself up?

What was the best way you used your time this past year?
Listening to people pour out their problems... I think I gained newer perspectives of life and learnt to stand in people's point of view. Sometimes I'll feel really sad for them too /:

What was the biggest thing you learned this past year?
Don't stay in the past or future. Living in the past makes you regret cos you would think of alternatives to spend it better. Thinking about the future is a waste of time because if everything is so predictable, you would have already laid out your life, and how is that possible?

Create a phrase or statement that describes 2009 for you.
Catching a bubble


Gonna add one more.
5 stupid things you did last year
1. Saying sorry to a fire extinguisher
I thought I bumped into someone's ass! So I apologize lo =.=

2. Messaging on the way and when I looked up, I bumped into the wall.

3. Tried to dribble but lost control. Wanted to kick up the ball but ended up kicking it even further. Stopped the ball with my hands, picked it up and looked up, a flying volleyball smashed right into my face.

Can't think of anymore/: I remembered doing alot of stupid things this year, cos I keep feeling malu