I'm aching everywhere. EVERYWHERE. My thighs, my calves, my arms and my stomach. Training is kinda strenuous nowadays. Don't really know whether it is a good thing or not, but I just know that I keep cursing in my mind during those rounds of running up and down staircases. Cursing about my poor fitness and how muscle aches can torment you like that.

Hmmms, was chatting with Chan online and pondered about many things.
Training, is something that is so 2-sided. There were so many days when I feel really tired after those stupid long boring lessons which serve no meaning at all, and I want a slack training so I can go home earlier to sleep. But there are times when I want a freaking tiring one so I can wake up and feel that the day is better spent and more purposeful. However, most of the time, the results always seem to be otherwise.

Coach was giving some lengthy talk about treating training seriously blah and well, I've kinda lots of thoughts. well, I do admit we're really slack at times, laughing and laughing like some arseholes, but I guess we just need some time to adjust. It has been long since we had hell-like trainings and it'll take time for us to adapt to his high expectations.

Sometimes I wonder, are expectations good?
Expectations, caused me many a times to sink even deeper in disappointment when I could not hit my own goals. When I had no expectations, good results made me even more surprised and happy. But when I achieved crap-like results, I felt empty. Hollow and empty. it's as if a stone dropped into a bottomless pit. Hard and small, yet significant and noticeable.
Expectations can really make one breathless. Those from my parents and siblings once made me suffocate. Their expectations seem to be practically listed on a piece of paper, and they're just sitting there watching the events in your life unfold, while ticking the checklist of expectations. Those targets which you hit and those which you failed to do so, and most of the time, miserably.

Dang, but I do admit expectations make your life more purposeful and organized. Less junk-like. Sometimes, you really wish you can totally abandon everything except yourself. Not having to care about anything. Nothing in the world being significant, but the enjoyment of that present second.

Anyways, yeah, I kinda feel happy when I sweat like some mad pig (although I already do just by warming up), after running rounds and rounds. The hot feeling which warms the entire body rocks totally. You can feel all the fats gone. esp tummy fats! hahaha. I think every girl will feel just great when they know they're on the journey to having a nice sexy body. Although it is kinda impossible for me, but whatever.
I've lower expectations of myself heh.

Compare it to the first year of bball in dhs, when our existence was insignificant and worthless. We were A.I.R.

Ah, was chatting with the juniors last saturday about third lang and I felt a wave of emotions. Remembered about those times when I was packing my french worksheets into one gigantic file and chucking it away since I chose to quit French. Sometimes, I really feel darn sad when I just look at the textbooks and worksheets. The times when my dad helped me print those dossiers, the nights which I burned midnight oil just to finish the stupid darn online compo, the afternoons when I was struggling in class to stay awake, and when finally awake, am actually staring into blank space, hearing but not listening, absorbing no shit but just watching the teacher's mouth move and move and move.
Then I'll tell myself; okays, you gonna be a gud girl and go home to read through the shit posted online and do self-revision and online homework!

Smart people will know that those were never achieved. Apparently my IQ is like below 70.....
Weeks of work piled up like crazy and french lessons seem to hold no purpose anymore because I did not achieve anything out of it. So smart me came out with another theory; that I should pon the lessons to play ball and again, GO HOME and do self-study online, since all the powerpoints were online.
did it work? NAH.

I realise I'm constantly giving myself excuses and reasons so that i can stick with my principles and make the whole world except me seem wrong. obstinate mule.

Sigh, but I don't think I regret quitting. Fridays are a rest day and something to look forward to, and I can really really really slack without anything nagging at the back of my mind. And I'll really laugh and be happy, instead of those days when I laugh really hard and suddenly just stop cos I remember the numerous lies I told to be there laughing with teammies.
The only thing I regret was that I did not have enough perseverance to persist through, or I did not quit it like, last year?

People Are Crazy by Billy Currington is a nice country song(:
And yeah, people are really crazy, esp girls. Okays lah, esp me okays okeh, dont wanna offend anybody hahaha.
I was just telling chan that we're weird. When people who once ignored you are nice to you, you'll wonder why they're like that. Then when they're some mean assholes, you'll think: guailan, siao one, pms, don't care them. want cold war is it? OKAY LAH, come lah!
hahaha.
Sounds so typical of me.

Ah, I spent half an hour reflecting. And I can't believe that I'm so overwhelmed with emotions that my eyes are kinda teary. how stupid. nevermind, no one is here to see how stupid and fugly and pathetic I look now.
getting kinda late now. I wanted to sleep earlier, and chiong chinese compo tmr in school. -.-

CHALET (: hahahaha. and I made a checklist. next week gonna be a hectic week. really busy. so many targets to meet.
PRFT.


>>Qi:: lols I thought anon was spelt correctly. yeah, being absorbed in doing the best of everything feels really great(: and touch my hand by david archuleta is like WOW SO NEW HORH! hahaha


I feel great, after sweating and having fun this afternoon. At first, it was kinda hothot (when I mean hot, I mean REALLYYY hot) and irritating, but after we went to play captain ball with the AWC peeps and 2-on-2 with some china peeps, I felt much better(:
I only wished that the guys didn't really care about the fact that they were playing with girls. Shit them siaz, basketball is supposed to be physical; it isn't as if we don't understand right. :/ hate it. If I could put on a mask and turn to a guy instantaneously, I definitely would. PRFT.

Symposium was fine. Although some presentations simply made people go HUH?! O.O, I guessed I learnt some stuffs. All the effort in the few minutes of presentation is definitely worth noticing. And I kinda feel bad when I'm drifting away and not exactly paying attention, cos you'll feel crappy when you're presenting and people are just resting their heads on their hands and showing many signs that they're BORED. REALLY BORED.
I would definitely choose symposium over lessons so there's nothing much to complain, is there?

Saturday was great fun. Went to get some bursary thingacious and supported my dad at his company's inter-department table tennis match. It's surprising how veterans can play well and they're as fit as those 10 years younger than them. I suppose skill is what allows people to become better players and reach even higher and greater heights. Therefore, the saying that improvements have no limits and boundaries, is definitely true. I think, the desire to beat yourself and achieve something you never once imagined you could, is what propels people forward, even when they're fatigued and feel like giving up.
Psychology is so unimaginable but yet, I think it's very powerful and controlling. It inspires, yet if wrongly used, it can corrupt the purest minds and result in drastic changes.
Reflection of the day(:

My dad's colleague asked me if I felt bored since I stayed at the place for 2 straight hours, and I gave a quick reply of NOPES. Then I was wondering why I didn't feel bored, and really, my answer was sincere and definitely not patronising. I really find it fascinating how a small little pingpong thing can move so fast, and how people's reactions can be so quick and so many different moves can be executed in that split second.
And when I really concentrate in watching people play, I get really absorbed.

Told my teammies and chan before; people'll probably think I'm huachi-ing when they see me observe people balling. totally wrong impression cos I aint even looking at the face right; looking at the torso and below (hahah sounds wrong/: )

I'm really kinda addicted to Straight Through My Heart by Backstreet Boys now. Nice song.
Got to go bathe now. Stinky poo...
And mug chinese tingxie wth. -.-

Looking forward to 28 hahah. Planplanplan!

Chan>> hahah whatever man. Sianz, if people just said HI, I also shuang. My tagboard is pathetic/:
Annoymous Lols I can roughly guess who you are and yups, updated(:

Haven't been updating lately..... busy with tests and trainings.....
Just chionged my 名句精华 (ming ju jing hua if you can't see those teeny weeny chinese words) just now and I gonna chiong physics tmr. Then chiong history also. OH MANZ. life sucks when everything is not on schedule.
Spent so much time slacking my ass off during the holidays, so I'm really kinda screwed now.

Hmmmm, nothing really happened much these few weeks. Oh, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to qi and crystal lolol. and early birthday wishes to rae. heh, I'll try to remember to get the black shoelaces.
28th of august is coming soon(:
This Saturday gonna be a good rest day for me cos I'll have a nice brunch and have fun supporting my dad in his inter-company table-tennis match(:
So many things to look forward to, so I suppose those nice feelings can erase my headache over tests.

Celebrated my bro's birthday yesterday. Ohwells, still forgot about the birthday present; I think I'm really hopeless.
Forget it.
I just ain't cut for being nice to people. Just one mean asshole who forgets everyone's birthdays except hers. zzz.
Sometimes I wished birthdays need not be celebrated, so I wouldn't need to receive people's well-wishes and therefore, need not feel obliged to return those someday, some time.

Ha, as you can see, my fringe is weird cos it's too damn short and I haven't been receiving good feedbacks so far.
darn.
ah neverminds, changes are good aren't they? :D

Met up with primary school peeps during the National Day Celebration and the feeling was kinda good. We still have loads of stuffs to chat about, and had some great laughs. Many changed, and it's really sad to say that most of the changes aint positive. When I graduated from school three years ago, I did not expect such changes but they seem so natural now. Their actions are disgusting and repulsive, but I think just accepting it with a pinch of salt and understanding that this is the way they wanna people to look at them, is important.

Change, is something really scary. People say that you should change for the better and start picking on the small errors made.... everyone isn't really perfect so I always accepted the bad things that people said about me. But when people change for the worse and their mindset really begin spiraling downwards, you worry. People around me are all changing. I'm beginning to see the gradual change of my siblings and their perspectives of things. Sometimes, I notice alarming things but I choose to keep my mouth shut. I can't really judge their viewpoints based on my perspective can I?

Nothing hurts more than seeing someone spiral downwards and you can do nothing to help, but stand there watching helplessly.

ha, I'm thinking too much again.........

Oh, and i think Google Chrome rocks. After my entire com went cranky, I've learnt to take notice of those anti-spyware stuffs to kill the cookies and spywares which try to harm my dear computer.

Random rants. Okays I shall go sleep already (: