AFTER 14 DAYS? no 15. It's really lagged, but the mood wasn't right for me to post about such a long and fulfilling trip.

At first, I thought it would just be a torturous trip where people realise the shortcomings and ugly sides of people we never saw. In short, it was just something bad and disastrous. And I had a feeling I'll flare up. LIKE FLARE UP.
And I did in the end anyway. Oops, my bad.

Not gonna do much description because it's tiring. So the FIRST DAY was just some administration stuff. Got to our base camps and threw our bags there. There was a briefing on waste management and food rationing. Everyone ended up with plastic bags full of food. There were biscuits, bread, cereal bars, apples, oranges, sachets of milo powder, chrysanthemum powder, coffee, and a lot of other small munchies which were HIGH IN CALORIES so that energy would be provided.

And it's precisely because THERE WAS MORE THAN ENOUGH food that I gained weight DURING OBS. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I saw the measurement on the weighing machine when I came back right from OBS. To laugh, because I was probably the only retarded one in school to GAIN weight during OBS when the food given to us were supposedly not nourishing. To cry, because not only did I not LOSE weight, yeah you got it, I GAINED WEIGHT.

The bad part of this is when people hear that you gained weight during OBS, they will be thinking: wa siao, what shit did she eat manz. Must have eaten other people's rations. Pig sia.
I didn't EAT their rations! I ate mine! I guess I just didn't starve myself because my appetite was good. Weird yes, but I never really understood how it felt to be hungry. I just know I like the feeling of eating. Of course, the feeling that your stomach is bloated is annoying, cos it feels as if you have a beer-belly. like ONE BIG ROUND PACK.
Sidetrack: I still haven't found the right spelling of pack. you know, like 6 packs. is it pack, or pec, or pac.

And my weight still hasn't gone down yet. Normally weight fluctuations will go back to normal, wouldn't they?!

Next me and Char went to check the store items and blabla.
Learnt to belay, which was really entertaining, although the person you are belaying ought to be lighter than the belayer, if not he'll probably FLY UP when he's coming down. Ha, I think only those who went through the entire thing will understand what I'm saying.

Then we cooked dinner. I think it was the first time in my entire life where I actually help out in making a meal. I have never cooked a decent meal before, except maybe helping to crack eggs? Eh no, I can't even crack eggs properly, without having a shell or two in the mixture. The surge of excitement when piping hot food was served is irreplaceable. And the joy of filling your supposedly-empty stomach with canned food which you never once exactly yearned for or fancied. I still don't exactly know the feeling of hunger yet. I think I'm just interested in the idea of placing food in my stomach.

There was some displeasure when some people just left to bathe without helping to clear up. I was annoyed too, but the great thing about reflections after a period of time is that when you think back, that mere incident seems too insignificant of any mention. Emotions fade.
So yah, I was really annoyed. Imagine climbing the (hill? mountain?) SLOPE and being sweaty and stinky (STINKY AS in really stinky because I sweat like a pig), to only witness people applying powder on their CLEAN BODY, smelling freaking good. Emotions will build up and you'll feel yourself bursting.

But anyway, who cares about it now, I'm SMELLING equally good now, or even better, hehe.
It's just that you'll witness the uglier sides of people during camps and you begin questioning if it is truly the real side of them, or it's just that it's their first time enduring such a stinky camp, that's why they're like that. It's understandable I suppose, not wanting to smell, and seeking the best for yourself. It's just a matter of priorities and perspectives.

Next we pitched the tent. It was the worst night of all, and we actually pitched our tent at the highest point of the hill -.- So it was muddy and dirty and itchy, but I think the most disturbing part was that we slept sweaty. So it's the same as waking up and and breaking out in sweat as if you played a basketball match in your dreams because you have a fever.
So this was the worst night I ever had, because I couldn't straighten my legs, and I did not dare to move about, in case I wake the rest up. And many a times I woke up, thinking it was probably 4 or so, but it was probably 2 or 3. Time passes really slowly duriing camps.


The SECOND DAY was completing the height elements. (I'm feeling a bit tired of descriptions now. Not to mention me feeling lazy now. gah I shall complete this for the sake of future memories)
They look easy but they definitely aren't. My whole body ached after I reached the top. Sweeyee was really damn bloody imba. And nothing beats the satisfaction experienced when you reach the top. Belaying was tiring and I had a rope burn as a result. Could see the pus which would be oozing out in the future. It still has an ugly mark on my hand. Hopefully it wouldn't turn into a scar.



Then..... er, what did we do? Oh, we learnt how to kayak. Training for the next day.
We kayaked to camp 2, and this time we had a wonderful place to pitch our tents. BY THE SEA, where you can feel the breeze and hear the waves. Without the mosquitoes, I might even consider the experience romantic. hahaha.

DAY THREE
Kayaked the entire day (8 hours to be precise, is it?) with 4C. Heng the weather was good, not blazing hot. I think I would have died, although I really love the scorching sun. Charmaine kept splashing water on my face when she was attempting to kayak REALLY FAST.
hahaha, although there were time when our spirits were low and I totally felt like stopping and pigging, there were memorable times when we began laughing like mad, for I don't-know-what reasons. hehe.

Then dinner. Maggee mee this time. Could see that some people were trying to make up, and it felt good. Gerald was really hungry when he gobbled the food that he declined at first, until Amanda they'all pushed the food to him. Stupid guy kept claiming that he wasn't hungry. Ya right.
But it was really sweet. Ha, camps show the noble side of people. So now I wouldn't only think of him as a gl person who calls me black black one.

Camped at the kana sai place again -.-

DAY FOUR
We were late. Like 1 and a half hour. Breakfast was just everything and anything. And I learnt how to use the can-opener like imba fast. Quite fun. I think it's a great way of venting your frustration. Imagine the can to be someone's head, and think like this "Now SCREW YOU, I'm gonna pierce your tiny head and eat your brains out, you LOUSY. Look what I've in my hand. it's a CAN-OPENER, now say your last wishes"
I sound like a budding murderer. ohno. Are people gonna repel me, like really fast soon? hahah. Okay la, I didn't think like that when I was opening the 2 cans of fish luncheon meat. But anyway, can-opening is easier than it looks.

We totally missed out on rafting because we did not have enough time to build the damn raft which is so bloody difficult to build. Of course I didn't exactly help (cos I'm not a UG PERSON, okay excuse), but I was just being extra, carrying the barrels and hopefully providing some (necessary?) help.
Asked for a time extension and I seriously thought we would be given extra time. When they blatantly said no, I felt anger, then disappointment. We were late that morning, so we didn't exactly had any right, did we?

Then there was this talk about the importance of time. (oh this talk was held in the morning) I think it was really meaningful. we only have 86 400 seconds every day, and they can no longer be given back to us, no matter how wealthy we are, or how blissful we once were.
And I'm actually glad that we were denied the time extension because I wouldn't remember this event so vividly.

Dinner was awesome because there was nice meals. We had eggs, and loads of luncheon meat. I think I just sat there and opened the canned food. nothing else. Jamie and Grace cooked. The knife is really @#(*&@*$&#! Can't even cut shit. zzz. I gave up after like 4 cuts.

It was great I guess, cos I talked more to people whom i wouldn't talk to in school. It was really surprising when yen lin and I actually began talking hahah. You know, there are some people in class which you will just smile or say hi to, and after that, nothing progresses. There wouldn't exactly be other reasons to talk to her right.







The last day was just clearance of the store and saying the last goodbyes to the camp. Ate KFC after that and took the train back home. Packed my stuffs and slept till 12. Snacked and watched teevee until 2 before dozing off until 9 the next day. Then played mahjong hehe.

The final night's briefing was longer and usual, and we had our final reflection entry. Everyone shared their feelings, and we gained more than we lost in the entire camp.
Gained tolerance and appreciation for whatever we have, lost our expectations of cleanliness...
It wasn't exactly a life-changing experience, but it truly tested our limits, mentally and physically.
And most importantly, it allowed me to know the importance of time.

But I believe I'll still procrastinate. Like why not. I hafta force myself. FORCE MYSELF!

And this quote from OBS is really meaningful

You will never be able to seek new oceans, if you don't have the courage to lose sight of the shores

Forgot the exact words, but it's really true. How many times have we dared to try something different? Who knows, things may have turned out differently...


Boundaries were meant to be unreachable and limits, stretched.


Haven't updated in ages, and I shall drop a post before leaving for OBS. AHHHH. And I need to update more often if not I'll eventually forget what I experienced and felt.
Anyway, these few weeks were great because tests are finally oveerrrr and I stayed back more often these few weeks.

Interclass
got 2nd and i realised it's the same as last year haha. I think nobody treated the finals seriously cos we kinda gave up. My calves started cranking up and it's really scary when you run and feel that something is contracting. I didn't know that the feeling of getting cramps were that scary.

It always happen every year. Last year, this year, probably every year. Over-competitiveness brings out the horrid nature in everybody. Or maybe it's just me. I guess I take interclass really seriously, to the extent that my attitude is more serious than that for studies.
If only I can split them up.
Then I ended up being black-face (not like I'm not black enough), and start spewing vulgarities on court. Tsktsk. To think that I actually told myself that I will reduce my use of vulgarities.
Nevermind, I'm trying I'm trying aha..


Just remembered this and I wanna make an imprint here again. Referee-ing for interhouse made me understand how difficult it is to satisfy both sides when it comes to umpire-ing competitive games. Not to mention that I'm younger and they'll probably be thinking like "who the eff is this girl. If you don't know the game, please screw off like a few kilometres away and don't hold the damn whistle"
Ha, couldn't help thinking like that when they were kinda unhappy with the decisions made. Ugh.

Just bathed and I feel refreshed. Took a few picx to capture how I look like now, before OBS. I can totally predict my face being screwed up when I come back. Not the black part, but the part where my face turns into ridges and hills. :(


whoo I look whiter here. aha.
But I still prefer myself being tanned. I'm anti-white.


Bet chansou is laughing at this pic now.
Anyway I realised putting your hair up like that is nice cos it helps your hair dry up quicker. Without the use of a hair-dryer of course.


My mentee at the Lavender CIP service centre.
Being a teacher is easier said than done. really. I wonder if smiling and explaining and reiterating your point, while feeling slightly annoyed, is being patronising and two-faced. It's really tiring I guess. And not to mention it being difficult.

Meetup with Clique!
SIAN NO PICTURE. hahaa
Anyway it was an awesome dinner because we managed to catch up so much. Love khoon, Jas, meng and Zhan to bits. It was great laughing like mad, and I knew a lot of people were probably staring at us in KFC since we were making a great nuisance of ourselves, but who really cares right. I was really glad that there weren't exactly any barriers and we were having tremendous fun like before.
If only my neck didn't screw up :( hehe

CS night
CS Night was great. The dances and drama were really good. i guess the only thing that I didn't like about the performance was the opera. I can't appreciate it.
Met Jamie, Shujun and Sweeyee for dinner at Paya Lebar. The laksa there is really yummmyyyy








It was around 11.15 when I reached Compass. I actually hoped that Mr Bean was open so I could grab an ice-cream and feel less lethargic but obviously it was closed. So I popped up at 7-Eleven to grab some crackers and felt happier when I walked home.
It was really dark and quiet but it felt serene, although I would have preferred a breeze over still trees.
AND I CAME TO A CONCLUSION. whenever I feel sad, I just need the crackers from 7-eleven and an ice cream from Mr Bean (:
Finally I found a solution to lift my moods and spirits up.
So if anyone pisses me off and wants my forgiveness, you can try the method stated above. Or if you feel like being nice and treat me to them, you can you know! then I'll like you better. Isn't it just great?
hehe, hinthint.


EDS NIGHT
Was late to meet jacob and Shermin for dinner so I ended up with a yummy bun which had chilli oozing out when you bite it.
Reached the PAC a little late so had to take the seats on the 2nd floor. The annoying peeps in front of me blocked my view.DAMNIT. But I still enjoyed the night anyway. It was really good and entertaining (:




I think Timbaland's album is nice. This is lag I know. But I think he should start singing songs himself instead of having almost every song sung with another artist, and most of the time the vocals aren't at least 50% his. zz.

Okay I gonna go do my SGC and send it tonight since it's the deadline already. Then gonna go watch some magic show on Channel U and have a good sleep.
Though I believe that OBS is dirty and tiring, I'm anticipating it because this is the first time where my limits are tested, and I'll find out if I'm the mentally and physically strong girl I thought I was, or it was just a facade to hide behind, so that people will naturally repel me. I don't know.

9:59 PM | Wednesday, May 05, 2010 | Link
Exceeding expectations

Yay so we got into the 2nd round for netball. Feels great when you make it but it feels horrible when everyone's so tired and you aren't exactly panting. Sweating doesn't count though :/
I don't know, I think I hardly ran? oops.

Ref-ed Year 3 interclass horribly. I think. Didn't exactly blow much. I think I make a bad ref cos I'll turn lazy at times. Balled with crystal after everyone left and it's really weird when there's ABSOLUTELY NO ONE IN SCHOOL. You know, even on quiet days there'll be some PRCs around.

I'm feeling lethargic now. I wanted to do something constructive at first but I realised I cannot make it. Was feeling grouchy during Chinese cos I was so tired and nothing seemed to be entering my tiny, shrinking brains. I need a good sleep.

Mood fluctuations are really scary cos they turn you into monsters.
At least that's the impression I give people.
can't really help it when I don't feel like smiling much nowadays.
And the bloody heat is unbearable.

Just ranting.

8:59 AM | Saturday, May 01, 2010 | Link
Change without lingering in the shadows of others

Speech day yesterday...
I felt indifferent. Really. I don't even know why, but I didn't feel proud or anything. Sianz.
When the award recipients had their academic achievements announced, I felt a pang of admiration, jealously and inferiority. Admiration for their capability, jealousy.... I think it's too strong a word, but no, I wasn't exactly very jealous ha. Inferiority because I might never achieve half of what they actually did, in a lifetime.
but it's alright! I guess I've to just stay content with who I am.

It's really hard to stay true to yourself at times, because there are always people way in front of you, and their achievements are so glaring that you can't help but slow down and look at yourself. You don't exactly self-reproach, but you wonder if you can improve and change for the better, with everything inside you intact, unmoved.


Concert was great. The passion for arts and the time spent on fine-tuning their every note - it really made me wonder if I actually felt as strongly for something before at all. Whenever things seem too distant, unreachable and unattainable, I always hide myself in cocoon with some plausible excuse.
Take Thursday for example. Sucked totally. Had to confront my suckiness as a pg again, and I was worried once again. Stupid. Hate it. Then Mr Low had to come and tell me that I need to improve my moves and can't keep shooting. That I agree, but that was a really wrong timing for those words of advice, wasn't it? I was kinda choked with tears when replying him at first but I managed to keep those emotions in check, so he didn't figure it out.

Went to the basketball court to sit a while and was glad that it was really dark. Only wished that the court was empty, then I would have had more peace and serenity.

On a brighter note, I'm going out to have a great rest today (:
gonna go meet jacob at cityhall and go suntec and lalalala.
And I think after everything I gonna have a night walk. Breathe in some fresh air. This totally sounds like some schedule of some old aunty. I really lead an uninteresting life.


Change without lingering in the shadows of others, is that actually possible?