Had huge progress in the presentation for the UN Mock Conference although I think I still have a long way to go.
Shall blog awhile before chionging it though.

Sigh, today's match against Dunman Sec was...... numb? What was the score? 67 - 15 is it? I don't know.
Like what Rae said, it was numb and lack of feeling, energy and everything.
They were fast, I felt panicked, suddenly felt as if I could not control the ball properly and lacked a great load of confidence.

I NEED SELF-CONFIDENCE.
Seriously that's the greatest contrast between me and my bro. The way he plays ball makes you feel he is damn bloody cocky, but it's just that he's confident and he believes he can score a basket, although his attempts aren't 100% successful. Sometimes his shots are really crappy, but they draw fouls during the game, and that's what actually matters right?
And what about the kuku over here? oh wells, she's just afraid that she will lose the ball and can't even catch the bloody ball properly. Aspires to play well but is too weak and feeble to do so.
Kana sai -.-

My coach has told me since primary school that I don't show any confidence when I play ball. So for the past 6 years of my life, I haven't changed a single bit. This sudden realisation makes me feel....... emotional.
The initial thought that I have finally improved over the years but have actually done nothing except straying in the same pathetic spot while everyone else is improving by leaps and bounds, makes me feel as if I've wasted my past 6 years. It's as if I've gained nothing. Oh eff.. Talk about going back to square one.
But I guess I matured a lot through this physical tough game.

I think my mentality sucks. I guess I just appear strong and carefree. Unlike people who think super highly of themselves, I don't believe I'm good enough for anything. It isn't just basketball, this applies to other stuffs too.
Maybe the only thing I'm confident of is my ability to sleep.
hah.

Speaking of which, TODAY WAS A TIRED day for me. I don't know, I just dozed off during history class, even though it was the only lesson for me today. Sigh.
I wish I would have one hour of good quality sleep. Really miss the feeling of waking up naturally, feeling fresh and happy. I get contented easily, really. Just give me a good sleep lah PLEASE.
Nowadays I feel so lethargic but when I go to bed, I don't fall asleep immediately. Gah, tossing and turning in bed wouldn't help you lose weight right?


Gonna drop a really short one before I go to sleep.
Nowadays, I've really weird sleeping habits. Sleep really early, like 9 plus, and wake up at 4. Works for me actually (:

PE tomorrow wheehee. I guess I'm the only weird one in class who likes PE. I don't know, at least running keeps me awake for the rest of the day.

Found a nice notebook(: It's pink though. Sigh. But I like ring notebooks.

And this post doesn't seem to make any sense. Just blabbering on and on.
And did I tell you how annoying it is when your printer goes cranky just when you need it?!
ROAR.


Yeah that's how I feel. Chinese New Year's gone in flash in 4 days and this Sunday would be another reunion lunch/gambling session? Not exactly sure, but ohwells, I don't really feel much this CNY.
It's really quiet.

The past few days was a great period of rest for me, gambling, drinking, laughing, watching teevee, and add on a list of activities which are meaningless.
:/
I kinda liked the first day because it was visiting the people which I was closer to. Can't stand awkwardness. Hate it actually.




I remember telling my dad this when I gave him his oranges.

祝你身体健康，天天开心，so my allowance will get higher!

Hahah.



At my aunt's house where we just chatted and chatted. We were much closer back when we were staying at Ang Mo Kio. Although the weekly visits was a thing of the past ever since we moved over to Sengkang, they never forgot our birthdays and continued showering us with gifts. It really warms my heart when people go the extra mile to reach out and I really appreciate that gesture(: Although I really can't do it but I'll try try try and try.
I'll fail most probably. ha.

Louhei (:
Didn't get to do anything cos it was so crammed but ohwells, I get to eat the crackers which I like alot alot.

DAY 2 with the other side of the family


No more pics hahaha. Pathetic. Everyone just sat around and ate. That's all.

Third day was just a day at home after waking up early in the morning to pray. Couldn't believe I had dizzy spells and according to my parents, my whole face turned white. My knee went mad when I couldn't twist it back but after a 2 hour nap it seemed okay.
scared me out of my life.

End the post with 3 pics I koped from my sis's phone. Really love them





Being in the foreground doesn't mean you get the clearest picture.


HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY PEOPLE!
People'll usually go happy friendship/valentine's day, but who cares, nobody celebrates valentine's day if you are living my life.

Like what my title suggests, many people came into my life these few years and it's really lucky that I didn't have any disagreements with them that were major enough to cost us the friendship. Argh, my vision's blurred after all these thinking. Tomorrow I'll look horrible. Bloated goldfish eyes. PRFT.

Anyways, was really happy to receive nice little gifts this year, although I didn't prepare anything.
Yah, I'm mean and heartless, no heart no heart no heart.
zzz.
more like I've no MONEY.



Thanks to:
Qihui for the super cute teddy bear and the nice handwritten notes. All the best girl, don't think too much about things because I realised that regret makes you stronger and failures help you burn brain cells ha. I know you'll read this right, since you said you read my blog. Was quite surprised at that(:
Hunghui for the notes and notebook. Nice mortal teehee.
Ann for deliciously crunchy hand-made cookies. Even the burnt ones are nice. I like ey!
Crystal for the broken flower. So touched (: Although it's wilted now, but I can feel your love!
Xintian for the lollipoooop, although it wasn't yours hahaha.
Chan for the handwritten letter. Started my day with a smile
Jacob for the FOOD hahah. Haven't tasted it yet. Should be quite nice right? Recover from your flu soon okay! Lousy immune system.
Mdm Sau for the cute choco-bees. And for letting me hand in my chinese compre on monday.
Chingyun for the letter. Bio lab partner, overcome your fear and take hot water lah!
ANGEL FROM LAMOUR for the pencil with a tiger on it lol. But I'm too lazy to sharpen it leh. Can die.

(Shit I should be sleeping.
This post probably gonna take half an hour long.
HOW.
Heck.
Hahah)

Rae, Qi and Crystal, your letters are here(: Since I'm so emotional now, these are the best heartfelt feelings you'll get. During the CNY period of snacking and pigging AND GAMBLING, my writing probably gonna be screwed and feelings will be shallow.
At least that's what I think.

Chan
Aiyah, talk about you for so many times already and that part dedicated to you during my 2009 reflections was so much longer than the team's that SOME PEOPLE complained. Teehee, I think their part was a one-liner thing.
But I still gonna type it out so when I read this back some other time in the future I will SMMMILLLEEE.

You're someone who gives a dao impression at the start because of your (black) face (figuratively). Kinda unapproachable at the start, but after you smileee you know things gonna change! I think the same thing applies to times when you are pissed or annoyed.

You get really angry at things that people least expect you to care. Always concerned about small details, you are sentimental and appreciative. Ohwells, I guess we have to learn that sometimes, people wouldn't be able to guess our thoughts all the time since they aren't a worm in our body.

Andand, you don't know how glad I feel that I'm able to spill out everything to you, knowing that you wouldn't be rolling your eyes on the other end, thinking like: what the fuck is she messaging me for. what's her problem. like that also can.
And once again, spilling out everything really calms me down.

Qi
Told you before right, you changed (FOR THE BETTER) over the years and I think people close to you can sense it. Although you can make me go crazy over your randomness and huachi-ness (don't know if it's on purpose or it's for real, but I guess it's the former), you know you can do without them already right? (:

We share similar thoughts (WHICH IS VERY UNEXPECTED) and we seem to always read each other's minds (STALKER). If only I would stop slapping my face unconsciously and if only you could stop kicking me legs. There are blue-blacks all over okay! Heng I'm dark enough. (are you thinking of this too hahah)
But you know what, WE SHOULDN'T and definitely shall not laugh together.
Bimbo.

Crystal
Hmmm, I shall say I learnt a lot from you. Your will to fight and not succumb to pressure, but pressing on even further because of your want to prove it to the rest, is really cool. And the way you manage your time is really awesome, although I hope you slack like at times, so I wouldn't feel so sad and demoralised for being such a bummer.

Thanks alot for the comfort at the staircase that time. will never forget that(: You are the only person in school who actually seen and heard me cry (or shall we say WAIL LIKE A BABY). It must have been scary teehee. I hope it NEVER EVER HAPPENS AGAIN my goodness.
We shall stay strong okay. Since I always believed that we will still do well without anyone's help.

Rae
HAHAHA my center whom I can always see SOMEHOW on court. :) You improved like MAD these 2 years and it was actually your jump shots and sleek moves that pushed me to want to improve on something too. Was walking aimlessly, not knowing what I should aim for in basketball, till I saw you concentrate so hard on improving your vertical leap and being a dependable center.
That's when I decided to be a shooter(:

Teehee. Didn't know you played such an important role right?
Stay STRONG (literally) and bang down the opponents okay! When you get mad and furious it's really scary. And don't cry so much lah, you cried really alot this year. Your eyes are already so BIG (I think they're huger than mine) and your eyelashes are so LONGGGGGGGGG that you look so poor thing when you cry. I know I'm talking shit since everyone's supposed to look pitiful when they cry, but whatever, yours look more poor thing.
And say hi to me lah! everytime you just go "HIIIIII MUMMMYYYYY"
ASSHOLE.
Chicken. -.-

Meng
Walking/shopping/muggin with you today was really fun. I think we jolly well know how to navigate through Bugis after today right? (:
Don't be too sad about the bball thing. All the best in looking for a direction for your future. I think it's really true lo, I don't have any other good thing I'm at or at least more confident of, besides studies and basketball. What a loser.
We must meet up more often. I think it's really fun. :) Don't be too stressed up!

Jacob
:)

Okay I'm tired. Shall continue another day.


Wanted to sleep earlier cos I would be meeting Qi they'all for a movie tomorrow. But listened to a kinda sad (emo?) song and decided I needed reflections. Hahaha. If it's postponed anymore, the mood will be gone.

Yesterday's match was long and slow. At first, it seemed fast, but at the end, time seemed to crawl slowly.
It was really a close shave. My heart rushed like mad at the last 30 secs when I did a miss pass. I nearly broke down and cry out of relief when the ball didn't go in. It was such a close shave and that stupid mistake out of nervousness would have cost the entire team the chance. The well-deserving chance that didn't come by easy after those torturous trainings and hard work and effort put in by laoshi and coach.
I only smiled (really happy smile without any hint of worry or sadness) when I reached home, 3 hours later. hahah, stupid idiot.

We still made it through(:
There are so many things I need to improve on, and 2 weeks is a long time for me to readjust.

Staying at status-quo just because you don't know how to or can't make it further isn't an excuse.

CNY's a time to take a breather, cool down, and reflect on the past and look at the future's path. Yes, we need chances and luck here and there (like the two rounds of lots we got so far), but we lay out the path and decide the outcome.

Whether we take the longer or shorter way, it's still the result that counts.
No one will look at how hard we trained and see how much we play outside training practices because we simply love the sport, because it's the 40-minutes of gameplay that is the deciding outcome and it says it all.


无能为力 - 石欣卉



I like these pictures. I just love the sunsets.
Was walking to the CC for yoga just now cos my dad couldn't fetch me there, and saw the huge empty plot of land filled with loads of people (ironic but oh well...). Many people were having their versions of "family day" there and they were having so much fun flying kites and picnic-ing together.
Felt myself smiling to myself for a moment. Then I had a thought. As we grow and our commitments pile up, although we seem to undergo a significant change and turn more profound (and busy?) on the outside, we actually turn more hollow inside.

I think it's true. I mean, look at the change in me now, I actually study abit more when there aren't even major exams. Not that I'm being forced to, but I feel that I need to. I guess the muggers around me are affecting me. Sigh. Then after a day of mugging and slacking in between, I actually forget what I've done at the end of the day. When I just pause and take a break, I'll go : ey, what did I do ah?? It'll take me a few seconds to recall.

Last monday's morning was scary for me. When I was awakened by my phone, I was like: ARGH. damn. What day is it today? Then it took me more than usual to realise, and I was like, what! oh my shit.
Then I felt a slight wave of panic, although I already did my homework and chionged every possible shit already. And that panic woke me up totally, so I didn't go to bed to sleep again. hehe.

It's probably a small matter that isn't worth a mention, but I have this weird obsession with self-control and self-awareness. I want everything about myself to be explained and understood.
GAH.


I think this picture is ugly. And when I was browsing through images, I chuckled to myself when I saw the title of picture.

Stairway to HEAVEN

Joke right. If that's the stairway to heaven, then what's nice plots of grasses?
Amusing.

Chinese New Year is coming in the following week and next week is tests and tourns.
MUST PIA!
I guess wanting to achieve something and showing that you wanna achieve it are two different things. And who will know our inner thoughts if we don't show them explicitly?

Managed to mug abit today, although I think I still wasted quite a lot of time sleeping, eating, slacking, stoning and spacing out. Nevermind, I shall mug effectively, and not mug hardcorely, since both achieve the same results for me. I still wanna be a happy student learning new stuffs everyday, for the joy of it.

I always believed that when you are really interested in doing something and yearn to achieve something out of it, no matter how fatigued you feel, you will have that unconscious joy of learning something more, and that is something that people are often unaware of. So everytime when I hate doing something, I try to psycho myself into liking it. Or when I feel exasperated but I don't wanna affect anyone, I just try to plaster a smile first and make myself feel less irritated, while psychoing myself to chill and that everything's alright. Breathe in.... breathe out........

I guess it's the same thing for people skills. If you sorta force yourself to close one eye on someone's negative points, you'll probably feel less irked when you see him. Of course, if his weaknesses and asshole-ness are so glaring, you just punch him to prevent yourself from bursting a artery. It's not worth it to go through all those emotional turmoil all the time right?

Images koped from Jingmei's blog.
Melissa's Bday party.



Why are the pictures blur o.o


Was it complacency on our part or our weakness to rise up to the challenge? Whatever it is, it isn't going to happen again.