I think I'm self-deluded. I've the calendar in front of me telling me how much time I've left, I've the people in class constantly reminding me of how much I need to catch up, I've my inner voice repeatedly urging me to work hard because I don't want to experience the same feeling of disappointment, yet I still do stupid things.
I've the compelling urge to go online and sidetrack for at least 30 minutes everytime I use the computer. And the time will unconsciously lengthen till I feel fatigued and decide to go take a nap.

Ah, like what Qi tweeted, I'm already missing Fridays. Damn. Why is it always that we begin to notice the presence only during its absence?
When we were preparing for B-divs at the beginning of this year, I slacked so freaking much for physical training and missed so many friendlies. Was able to play ball but was always late for trainings (i think I really can't do anything about this)
AND NOW I'm supposed to freaking mug and here I am lamenting about something that I can't change. When I receive my results slip, I'll probably hope that I spent more time mugging.

This gonna be the way I shall psycho myself.
Sometimes I hate the way my mind keeps going in circles.


I don't know what the hell I'm doing now, awake at such a time when I can just go sleep. Spent the last 2 hours (staring into space, lost in thoughts...?) Decided to be lame and went through my friends list on facebook and started deleting people whom my friends have no connection with. AND I REALISED I don't know at least 1/3 of the people on my friends list, and that's really wth pathetic, considering the small teenyweeny number of friends.

Don't know why, but these days, I tend to think alot. Stuffs like social circles (told qi today heh), profiles and basically everything important in life. Idk, I like last year cos I felt I knew so much more nicer people (I mean after digging a whole in the first 2 years of my sec school life and buying my head in it like an ostrich), that was kinda a greater change for me. Began bothering about people outside my social circle instead of thinking they are non-existent. Sometimes I minor things so much that I wonder if there are actually anything/anybody in life that I truly care about. I do, I think, if not I would be emotionless now.

This year wasn't exactly horrid, but it was eventful, so it was kinda a rollercoaster ride, though things are back to status quo already (: Friendship problems, problems which friends were facing, the constant questioning about whether I should continue bball because of my stupid injuries and regret for being so reckless in the past, things I heard about myself from people around me which were really surprising and many other changes which are too many to name. In short, my impression on others and my impression of others changed. Whether they were warped, i don't know.

Played ball today (:(:
Now I"m aching and feeling sore, and it feels good. At least I feel healthy, although I wonder why my weight is like rocketing sky-high!
Photo-taking today was.... boring? I aint the photophoto kind most of the time, so today wasn't one of those days when I would gladly smile for a photo. But I hope the bball pix still turned out fine though.

I gonna sound incoherent at this rate so I shall turn in soonnn. And I gonna start banning myself from the computer, since I can't ban myself from bball.
It really sucks that I wanna play but I can't play much, then I suck and feel like crap. And since I"m like some slowpoke, I end up fouling people which I always do all the time. My brain will begin to malfunction and my defence starts having loopholes. Calves will feel like cramping (so they'll probably bulge even more damnit), and I'll airball -.- bloody hell.
Rae said her only flaw is her stamina and I say that I don't know what's my freaking flaw because I've so many that I don't know where to start focusing on how to improve. Can someone just make me a checklist so I can start ticking them and at least have a focus. Though I don't think I'll be able to tick them at all. Damn. I'm feeling really negative now. This is what happens when you decide to blog at night. Now there's this big bump on my head which hurts like a bitch and it's making things worse.

Dmovement open classes were fun. mm dancing's really exhausting. Considering? Maybe. Maybe not.

And I just remembered that hunghui and weiwen said I scratched Qihui and it was a really deep cut. OHNO. Feel really apologetic although I think the only time when I went near her was to trap her and snatch the ball cos I had this sudden urge LOL. I purposely went to cut my nails yesterday cos I was playing ball today. apparently it didn't make a difference.
Is my elbow really that hard?


There's this newspaper article about this woman from England who made the headlines by the most unimaginable way. According to footage taken from the CCTV, she stroke a cat, and 5 mins later, she threw it in the bin. The owner of the cctv heard the cat meowing in the bin and rescued it. Pissed off, she uploaded the video on youtube, sparking global outrage, so the woman is currently facing some charges now. Serves her right.

I mean, I'm not some animal lover (who goes, omg that dog is so cute!) and cats have scary piercing eyes, but I find that freaking act inhumane. That cat was so defenceless and didn't even do anything to her =.= If it was never discovered, imagine it going through incineration. To think she even said that they were making a big hooha out of nothing, though she was quick enough to take back her words now.

Inhumanity has a limit.
no wait, humanity IS boundless, but inhumanity shouldn't be tolerated.

I don't think I make sense. I'm like talking to myself.
I suppose it'll be another long time before I blog another long one like this because I have to start shifting my time and focus to mugging. Twitting is easier though, cos it's all one-liners which describes the emotions which are too short for a blog post.




Had this overwhelming urge to blog.
I feel really dispirited and totally enervated now. Every ounce of energy left is drained out and it irks me when I feel I actually did nothing at all.

Slacked a hell lot today after school. was "mugging" but it was kinda unproductive. Since when were fridays not slacking days? Went to school to play ball and sparred with the juniors. Sucked like shit -.- Annoys me totally when the shots made during practice are totally not reflected in the game.
DARRRMMMIT

Anyway this isn't the time to improve cos after the long EOYS gap my stamina (which I already lack) and my strength, skills and bla will be all gone. Not worth it. And from tomorrow onwards I gonna hardcore. Shall understand how it feels like to be a fulltime mugger. And at this point of time, I'm already feeling disgusted at myself for typing those.

Blasting I just Need You now and it's on constant replay. Ahh. Despite how much I really wanna turn in, I've to hand up my eportfolio. screw it.


We live to survive
Then whey do we still push ourselves so hard when status quo might not exactly be a bad thing?







Class dance during NDP (:
This is a really lag one, but the dance ended really well. All the effort paid off.

Just bathed and a little beat now.
Can't seem to concentrate much nowadays. Kinda lost my touch for blogging already. Used to have loads of nonsense to spout but sentences are so hard to form nowadays. Damn.

Never asked for it, never will.


Just came back from WWW. Went there with my family today, and I got really burnt. When a tanned person gets BURNT, you really wonder what the colour is hahah.

Now back to my update! and after that, I think I'll begin to be on hiatus, because my schedule would be as boring as anyone else's, and I've to refrain from using the computer. (It's seriously distracting!)

Asean Youth Convention

I feel that GYF was more substantial than this, but nevertheless, knowing more people still made up 90% of the fun. There are still many things to laugh about somehow!

Day 1: Cedar Girls

Boring lecture in the morning which i slept through. Can't stand it.
Ended up chatting with the Malaysians in front of us.



Orientation was so much better when everyone got to know each other better with the water games and blah. Got my ass really WHITE when they played this jumpjumpjump-on-chairs-and-play-scissors-paper-stone, cos they put flour on the chairs


Day 2
Basically it was just lectures and lectures. Frankly speaking, I think they were repeating the same point over and over again, just that with some creativity, things were presented in a different way.
But it was still fun though (:


KOI (:

Went to catch the NDP Preview with gifford, shaun and friends (forgot their names already heh)
The fireworks were really pretty. Felt myself back to earth after all of it. Somehow.

Day 3: SMU
again
It felt kind of boring already, but i guess the company makes everything feel a little different. Sigh.


Day 4: Cedar Girls
Lectures, lectures and more lectures.
Everyone sorta got to know each other more by then. Feeling damn sianz to type already. I think I shall just photo-spam.


Since we had plenty of time to spare, we ended up taking pix to see who eyes were the biggest -.-
Cam-whoring is tiring.
Seriously.
I think my face could have cramped

Day 5: CULTURAL NIGHT
Wore the kebaya I borrowed from Siti (: It was really huge and I didn't know it would actually feel so hot wearing the seemingly thin material.


Poster done by S1 and S2, which I had absolutely no part to play because I was busy slacking away, talking to arun ha. No artistic talent; never had, will never have.

LAST DAY: Victoria School
Can't stand myself in heels, literally and figuratively..
The day started with country presentations.


And ended off with facilitation session in the auditorium. I was glad they ended it this way, instead of ending the entire convention with lunch (which was buffet this time aha)

These few days were fulfilling because with every new friend made, different perspectives and expectations of life begin to come my way.


for me it happens all the time
it's a quarter after one..


I'm back!
After few weeks of being MIA.

The past few weeks have been really busy but fulfilling. When all the hype was gone, the empty feeling began to sink in and it felt really awful when I had to acknowledge the fact that it was just a temporary reality escape for me.
But aha, I think my goal in life gonna be to make the normal lifestyle of others, interesting for myself (:

Global Youth Forum

The first conference that I attended. Mm, review time!
The Positive:
- knew a little more about econs, especially how currencies worked (a little)
- understood the vicious cycle of being poor and the incapability to pull yourself out from that dire situation. (it really pays off to be RICH)
- made a great load of friends (didn't really keep in touch with the people from Mock UN because people were more preoccupied with debating and submitting the resolution. This time it was different because everyone was separated into their groups and through discussions, we got to iknow about each other's perspectives)

The Negative:
- the food wasn't up to standard. They were yummy alright, but since you (my school in this case) paid around 150 bucks, the food shouldn't be nasi lemak, or worse still, MACS take-away right!
- some lectures were repetitive and kinda boring
- it was too short :( I think that Asean Youth Convention was too long though. Content-wise, I think GYF deserved the 6 days that AYC was given.

I can't help but feel that AYC was given priority over GYF, based on the turn-out of foreign delegates and blah. Somehow, just a gut feeling.

DAY 1 (sounds like I'm on a tour)

Some icebreaker games. Had a hard time remembering a name of an indian guy in my group. I feel really awkward when people began introducing themselves. Cos this is when everyone feels so distant from each other, and they have no idea who you are, so you don't really know what impression they have of you.

There was this 1-hour long video which caused me to doze off, despite the cup of macs coffee I gulped down in the morning.

DAY 2 and 3: SMU


By Day 3, everyone was feeling more comfortable with each other, and so all the gl-ing and teasing began (: I really like the feeling of laughing at unexpected things that come out from people.

Day 4:
Discussions, debates and blah. Presented once, and I think I didn't make sense at all, but everyone was really encouraging (:



Facils plus some group peeps went for dinner at Bugis. Stoned around at iluma.
The night sky was really pretty that night. The breeze made everything perfect (:


Siti and Gifford
Facils who were hell nice! Thanks loads to Siti for lending me her costume. And gifford for being explaining alot of things.

LAST DAY
Blazers again and this time it was farewell. Couldn't believe that 5 days passed in a flash and we had to return to our schools and lead the life we had before coming for GYF. There wouldn't be any other time when our paths would cross again....




Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time
Lady Antebellum - Need You Now

Current song on replay. Really addictive.

Gonna turn in, although I still have hella of things to blog about. Have to wake up really early tomorrow to go to school and ref the captain ball games. Fingers crossed that I wouldn't be late :/