I still remember this as my msn display message for some time. Anyway, it carries a different meaning now. Hmmm, inspiration from 2 songs on itunes shuffle... but besides that, i think i have a different perspective to everything now.

My uncle just had a conversation with my mum and we just listened. I think office politics are scary. How can you harm or sabotage someone when everyone is in the same team, working towards a common goal? it really surprises me and i think I'm kinda naive and stupid in a way, thinking the world is full of rainbows, clouds and fairies... It's kind of dumb isn't it?

I think my mum's brewed chrysanthemum is wonderfully nice(: At first, I found it dilute but it's actually just nice; not too sweet or too concentrated. hehehe.
Was reading the book Rachel lent me and was wondering about alot of things. This book is about a 24 year old woman who bothers too much about her father and thinks every woman is not qualified or isn't fit to be her father's second wife (her mother died). Then she has certs but just lies around at home, supposedly trying to help her father, but is actually controlling and ruining his life, instead of finding a job like what people her age should do. She ruins the relationships and tries to get the girlfriends and her father to break up......
Haven't finish reading the book so I don't know how it continues.

Anyway, I was reading up till the part where she is thrown out of her house and is alone, and broke and stranded, having no direction in life..... then I was wondering, I'm 15 now, a decade later.... what would I be doing?
It's kind of early to think about all these kind of stuffs but come to think of it, 2 and a half years passed just like that. What have I been learning? I really can't recall anything. Have I achieved anything or did anything that made me feel really reall proud? Nopes, no shit.

Dang.
Feeling kind of dumb now. Reflections really make you ponder alot. Especially late at night, when you're blasting music and the rest of your family is sleeping with the doors closed. My mum was telling me that if I wanted to avoid office politics, I've to be some high-ranking person, but I've to have high EQ and treat my subordinates nicely blahblahblah.


A long journey..... walking it my way?

I'm kind of scared to grow up now. I remember what someone once told me before. When you're young, probably at around 10 years old, and you see big sisters and brothers wearing fashionable stuffs, you want to grow older and show that you're mature and cool. When you're around 15, you look up to models and stars, and start going crazy over materialistic stuffs..... buying things and shoving them aside after a day or two.... When you're 20 and it hits upon you that you've to start being independent and you have to start considering you future prospects, you start having regrets. When you see jobs that require certs which you don't have, you start regretting not studying hard or continuing a certain course. All the crap and regrets start coming out, although you know you can't do anything.

Argh... shit manz. holidays are supposed to relax, not reflect. kana sai.
Anyways, I aint supposed to go to school until AYG ends, since I'm a Liaison Officer hahaha. Thanks loads to Chan who gonna help me collect and hand up my homework(: thanksloadswithlotsoflove manz. Gonna go to your house to collectcollect my work.
And since I don't have to attend school tomorrow, I'm sleeping real late today and acting as if holidays are still here. History is still dangling in the air. Oh gawd I just remembered, my bio pop quiz HOW.

I think I'm quite weird. I was dreading school but when I found out I wasn't supposed to go school because of my involvement in AYG, I was like: HUH how. I want to go school. :/

Aiya whatever. Anyways, statue by lil eddie is nice(: jacob's recommendation hah. zzz, I thought I would be quite 'faithful' and addicted to Takin' back my love manz. Hey yo! by Brooke Hogan is good too.

Oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY 段梦！ I know you hate people calling you that but hahahas, it's quite nice lo! That night out with you was great, although we only ate subway and ended up sitting in some weird corner and having everyone who walked past us look at us with some weird expression. Take care okays. Things don't always go our way but I suppose embracing it our way is what makes the difference(:


Wonderful nice addictive song(: By Enrique Iglesias feat Ciara. hahahha. Just love the chorus.

Yesterday was fruitful. Went to school early in the morning to collect the AYG polo tees and pass. Mugged bio till juniors came to chat and eat instant noodles. Went to qi's house to teach her maths and ended up chatting in the swimming pool. Her dad cooks wonderfully i tell you(:
Argh why is my com lagging.
laglaglaglag.

Anyways, when I went home, which was around 9:45, my ears nearly went deaf. Aiya, I know it's kind of irresponsible not to inform them about where I'm going and the time I would be coming home.... but, I mean, I think I can take care of myself okay? And it's not as if I go out EVERYDAY during the holidays. There were times when I stayed at home and mugged and I was being a veryvery good girl. I'm that kind of girl who loves to stay outside, even if I'm stoning at the bball courts at Kembangan CC and aint doing anything.

Seriously, I wonder at times, why people can really strive to do their very best at their studies and stay so persistent and focused. When I get bad results, I tell myself, I will study hard and blahshit. Then when the school day ends and I see people balling at the courts, I will change to a PE shirt and start playing till my dad fetches me home.

Shit with self-control and self-discipline.
when you're doing your very best and end up tired, you'll ask yourself, who and what are you doing this for?
Can't we just take walks at the beach forever and do anything we want forever? I mean, a few more years and I have to start planning for my future and start slogging my life out for pathetic shitty money.
I'm enjoying my life okays. They think I'm just being unreasonably rebellious but heys, look at other girls at my age. You don't see them spending their time at basketball courts; they always end up at some expensive branded shop, spending their time changing clothes and buying make-up.

Wearing FBTs out and you say I can't protect myself cos they're so short. I feel comfortable in them and I like it so yups, that's it. Anyway my shirt is so freaking huge that I don't think it will attract any attention. Look at how the ah-lians dress and you'll know I'm so much more okay.
You gonna say that I keep comparing to the suckier ones, instead of the better ones.... but hey, how good is better? Those muggers who stay at home and finish their holiday homework by the first week of the school holidays? Or those pretty girls who help their parents cook? No way. I've a life and I gonna live it my way.

And you know what, I gonna prove to you that I can make it if I wanna put my heart into mugging hard. I know I can't achieve a shit in bball and you probablly know how much I suck too, looking at my knee injuries and my cowardice, but you know how much I love the sport right.

I thought my Dad's 3 missed calls were to niao me about why I haven't reached home, but I had a sudden thought. He probably wanted to fetch me back from school if I was still in school. AHHH. :/

Dang.
Nevermind, I'm sticking my ass to the chair today and do my LA essay and complete my bio mugging. Then I still have Chinese reflections and history table to continue.... Let's hope I'll rush them in time. Eff homework. H1N1 is spreading so rapidly so we need to rest our dear tired souls and body. Burying us with homework doesn't help!
Oh, and we need to report to school at 8 on monday.

Went to Chan's house on Monday after IDMI(: Stoned alot at her house exploring her collections and went to the carpark at night. Heh, I conclude that I suck as a photographer and I shall not aspire to take nice pics cos they'll fail HORRIBLY.















I'm TALL! zzz, aint growing anymore. I wanna hit just 2 cm higher.higher.higher.

Long overdue pic. GG! (Gang Gathering)! :D
So tiny and smalll.... ah I look weird hahaha. Miss those times when we just sit outside the library and chiong maths together after school at around 4 plus. Then we'll laugh at everything possible but yet, homework will still be completed(:


Reminiscence is good but clinging on to the past won't help. Just have to learn to let go and go on...
Having a terrible headache now. dang. I should stop thinking, since those thoughts lead me nowhere.

Gonna go have my lunch and start on my LA essay.
Embrace a new start.


yeah it's 12:30 and I"m supposed to be pigging in bed but I wonder why I"m so energised. Tomorrow's training and I suppose I'll zonk out tomorrow night(:

Went to buy stuffs and stone abit in the library today. The weekends were spent on nothing. GOnna go for some flu jab on tuesday in case we kana H1N1 from the AYG athletes, which is quite unlikely, but ohwells, since it's free, I don't see why not. Just hope that I"ll be STRONG ENOUGH in case some dumbass fever come attack me, leaving my head heavy like some millions of kg metal.

Went to Crystal's house alot of times this week hahah. Balled at KCC then swam at her house. Her swimming pool is nice can. However, it was a wrong move to swim alone at her house at around 3pm. It was scorching HOT and I NEARLY DIED. Swam for around 20 laps then I got lazy so I ended up lazing in the pool. If not for the instructor and his SPIDERMAN-TURNED-BROKENMAN joke, I would have slept for around 10 mins.

Seeing those young little cute ones swim felt super nice. Made me recollect the times 8 years ago when I first took up swimming in primary one. I was the youngest in the class, and the rest were at least primary 6 and older. Naturally, I was the slowest, and I felt the immense pressure everytime the coach asked us to jump into the pool. Andand, he didn't even gimme a damn encouragement. Always said I was the slowest (like harlos, short legs and small lungs = tadpole in a pool of frogs right) and expected me to hit the same targets. And since the guys' legs were always longer, they always kick my FACE and the pool was full of PEOPLE so I could just lag behind awhile so I dont get to smell the aroma of their feet.

However, I suppose the fact that I kept pushing myself further and making myself overcome the limits, allowed me to grow taller quite quickly. Cos I heard swimming allows you to lengthen your limbs or something hahaha.

Then when I moved house the following year, I stopped taking up swimming lessons. For don't know what reason, I took swimming up again in early 2005, to take the gold award or something. This time I got a FEMALE coach and she was SUPERRR nice. Abit too lenient at times but soon, she taught me to go for perfection of swimming strokes instead of coming up and down of the pool and crazy waving of the arms in the pool for speed.
Got what I wanted by mid 2006 and I was supersuper dark thanks to the 2 hours under the sun at 12pm when I went for the test.

Kinda regret not taking up swimming already. Having a coach really pushes you to the limit I suppose. And it's the only sport that has the least injuries because you don't even have contact to the ground.... and YOU won't feel hot cos you don't sweat. I mean, you'll feel kinda cool(:

ahh. oh, back to the small cuties. Seeing them breathe in and out is super funnny hahaha. They're like panting and look like small fishes swimming in and out. No offence though. They're super adorable. Probably only 5-9 years old.

I guess I like children(: But seriously cant stand those who CRY AND CRY after you gave them everything possible on earth. Cry for milk, food, or because their diapers are soiled with their faeces or something. Dirty job eh, but when they grow up and have chubby cheeks, you'll feel like pinching the cheeks and see them jumpjumpjump about.

2 more weeks.
Kinda dread going back to school. I mean, although I get to see classmates and stuffs and probably have more things to laugh about, I don't really fancy having a whole pile of homework and responsibilities. It's very tiring and trying. Putting on a smile because I've to.... it sucks. Sometimes I wish I could just hide behind somebody and walk.

IDMI IDMI IDMI. oh kana saiz.
my knee feels heavy. screw it. i hate chronic injuries.

ahh. some big bug just dropped. the sound is spooky. grabbed a piece of newspaper and squashed it flat before squeezing it and crushing the paper and throwing it away. sounds gross, but sorry bug, either you die or I freak out. I cant possibly pretend nothing is happening when there's some gay bug jumping about on the floor, cos it cannot fly or just cos it felt like dancing on the floor.
sorry okays, if your body is squeezed and crushed to like millions of pieces; didn't really want to do that, but I just had to make sure you're dead in case you JUMP out again, and I'll REALLY JUMP UP and erms, maybe hit you with a broom?
lol. what the hell am I doing man. haha.

shall turn in now. let's hope i get to dream tonight(: not of the dead bug of course. haven't killed one for damn long already.

Tag replies:
Jamie LOL. how shocking. did you had a heart attack? lol.
Chan SIMI manz. ass. u and ur lateness! Luckily I had entertainment manz.
Crystal Aiya lag abit nevermind de right(: Anyways I wanna swimmm
Jaslyn Quek Fang Ling Ha, I guessed it right huhs. I was wondering who it was manz. And nopes u aint the key looo. Have fun at the dont-know-what-name camp(:
Charmaine: hellooss. lol tallie giving comments harh? (:

Yesterday was fun. Woke up at 7:30 to spend a day out together at East Coast Park. Supposedly picnic-ed in the morning with just a few sandwiches and green tea. The picnic was a big failure although the egg sandwiches with kayu were yummy. Proceeded to cycle for around 2 hours before heading to Changi Village for lunch. Met NPCC peeps there, who were back from their camp.

Though it was merely a morning out today, it kinda felt great as it has been 3 years since our family did something like that. We used to go swimming, picnic-ing and had family outings at least thrice a year then, but now, everyone's schedule is so packed that it seems nearly impossible for such outings to be planned. Maybe it's just my schedule being out and everything :/

The first hour was spent cycling by myself and it was wonderful. There were times when there weren't anybody in front or behind me and I just cycled real fast. No fear of banging into anybody or anything, but just embracing the wind. It felt real nice when the breeze started sweeping past my face. Then I slowed down and began appreciating everythin around me. was enjoying myself so much that I was hoping I lived near the park.






My mum said the sky was nice. nice meh. hahas, I've seen nicer ones(:

Bballing on Saturday was a huge fat failure. Went to school to hand up my polynomials assignment and mugged abit for around 2 and a half hours before deciding to head for kembangan CC. I was surprisingly early, for around 15 minutes but chansou had to be 30 mins late. So I ended up watching the guys play ball from the mrt. Saw the yellow and green peeps moving about with the ball flying here and there, and I had a hunch they were dhs ppl and I was right hahas. Cos only dhs ppl will wear such bright and weird colours(: Anyways, balled for less than an hour before some weirdos with a no-air ball came and we decided to siam. Collected her specs and talked and talked. hahahs. as usual, as always.


Why is it so awkward?

Life revolving around something.... finding the strength to stand again.

[edit]
The only constant is change. Change change change. nah, I'm just talking about change in general. talking about how particular people change is kinda a waste of my time, since their change would not bring me any good.
Logged on MSN just now, glanced through the contacts online, felt empty suddenly, when there weren't anyone to chat with. Suddenly felt as if I was alone, as if I had no friends or any consolation. I know this is crappy, but ah, just felt like that. then itunes shuffle had to be some sad moody song.
sidetracked for one and a half hour already.

sometimes, when you're alone, you feel that the quiet is peaceful. When it's noisy, you feel like screaming shutup but you decide it's better to shut up. When you feel like being hyper, everything that happens is just the mere opposite of what you want.
I know it's kinda stupid to wish for things to always go your way, but sometimes you can't help but hope that nothing proves that you're naiively waiting for something impossible. Ah, I don't think I make sense.

Neverminds. I guess some sidetracking now would make things go right.


Argh. It's the fourth day of the school holidays and my inconstructive way of spending them continues. :/ Damn, I hate this feeling.

Went to ball and cycle with crystal yesterday. Superr fun and nice. cycled around her house, before deciding to play at the playground. Sat on the short pathetic swings and had fun with the see-saw. The see-saw made my ass hurt. Cycled REALLL SLOWLY and decided to build sancastles while chatting until around 7:30. If only we could end the whole thing with a NICE NIGHT SWIM ahh.

Wanted to go school today but contemplated because I wasn't sure if the school library was really open. NEVERMINDs. Gonna check it out one day(:

Sometimes, I really dislike staying at home. I just wanna sleep till real late in the morning, pack my stuffs after eating breakfast, take my wallet and phone, and dash out of the house. Problem is, no money, and WHOLE Pile of stupid homework lying there for me. Andand, you need company for this kinda of stuffs right! ):

overdued pics-
CIP:





EDS night:



Hahas found some real long ago pics. Since my blog looks so picture-less and full of words and boring blahblahblah, I decided to spice it up lol.

After watching the juniors' first match, we decided to be lame and began laughing over random stuffs. I think this was the time when the joke "Do you have issues?" "yes I've issues... WITH A TISSUE!" appeared.


Team pic long ago. There you go chan, the one that rae looked happy to hack my head while I look damn elated to be hacked -.-

Aha. Found these 2. Took them last year I think. All koped from jingmei haha. At a bus stop. I still remembered the lunch with qi was terrible cos we ended up walking for around 3 bus stops when that girl thought she overshot her bus stop, when we actually alighted too early -.-





Sigh, I think I gonna go shower and start on my work. Everyday is just so mundane. I want to swimmmmm (NOT TAN, CHANSOU). Anyone?


Jialing: yoyo(:
Chan: oo stalker. lol. YOYO. (reply to next tag haha)
Jiaqi: argh I forgot the website :/ Ask rae yeah. And yeps,the song's nice
Richard, anon, Richardson: O.O
Jingmei: wo hen hao(: lol. harlos. happy belated yeah :D
Sylvia: You're welcomeee. I gave you one alr yeah(: hahas.
Crystal: helloooooo
Charmaine: lol. where got dead sia.

Why do people just come and go?


The June Holidays are finally here but I don't feel it's a rest for any of us. June Holidays are just an excuse to bury us in homework and stress.
I shall attempt not succumbing to stress!

Interclass 2009 ended in a good note, with L'Amour clinching second. We led the match with 6 points and Rae told me that their class actually gave up then. Sian. Yiling the crazy one scored 4 points, and that was all it needed to boost their team morale, and leading them to win the match with an eventual score of 18-14.
Ran to a corner to gather my emotions. Ended up crying not because we lost, but because of disappointment in myself. Disappointed at myself for being unable to stay calm and continuously fouling people just to win. Disappointed at myself for being unable to get a simple layup in, disappointed at myself for venting my frustrations at my teammates, disappointed at myself for unable to meet my own expectations.... disappointed at alot of things.
However, after just around 15 minutes of reflections, I was okays already. Just got to pick myself up don't I? (:

Went back to the bball court and was greeted my L'amourians. Sweet Sabrina gave me a chocolate waffle, Charmaine the tallie treated me to a drink, and I forgot-who gave me a choco. Thanks to everybody who supported us to the end, although I bet your were slightly disappointed. :/

GPA is screwed. Really deproved but I was super surprised my parents hardly said anything. Just said that I could attain better results if I actually studied. Ohwells, I did study, after school and stuffs, but I always sidetrack. :/ Didn't really care about little tests so I guess this is what I get. I shall work harder manz.


Met with Khoon, Meng, Jas and zhan yesterday. Lovely way to start the june holidays. Had dinner together at IKEA and ended up stoning at Khoon's house. Zhan had to leave halfway and the four of us stayed over at her house, talking and talking till we zonked out at 3.
Thanks to: Khoon for her lap and shoulder for me to sleep on :D Thanks for stoning there for one entire hour in the same position, just so that you won't wake me up of my sleep manz. The sleep was superbly comfortable.
Jas for her shoulder as my PILLOW. I bet my head was heavy and uncomfortable. :/

Had Macs for breakfast and the rest of the morning was spent stoning and slacking. Nevertheless, the sense of closeness and bonding was back again(:

It's so amazing how we can actually keep in touch. I know many people don't actually care about primary school friends, but I'm so glad we can talk about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING under the sun. We can discuss about family problems, friendship problems, although we hardly know who the person is. Consolation comes so easy and encouragement actually comes through sarcasm. Our well-wishes for the other party are pure and innocent, nothing but just us hoping for the best and everything going smoothly for everybody.

(: Bus-ed back with Meng and chatted a little. Take care kays, stay strong. Although not voicing out your displeasure may be your way of doing things, but no matter what, to some, that may be an act of submission. Sometimes, we should not keep everything bottled up inside us, although being too direct will probably spoil relationships. We may think that we're thinking too much, and we're probably just being paranoid and unreasonable, but we must always remember that we deserve to be immature at times. Growing up is a process, but we do not need to rush it(:

Starting off at a good note, let's hope it ends well.