I thought the 2 hours would be a bore, but it turned out to be quite fun. I don't know what I was dreaming or thinking about. Anyway there was this marathon and there were a lot of people with good bodies. AHA (:
6 or 8 packs i think. And alot of people had this golden tan.
Hmmm do i sound jealous? i hope not :/


Rectify, easier said than done



We lost.
to Naval Base 51-33.

Horrible score, and it is my fault. Coach is disappointed, I'm sad I suppose? I don't know, was feeling numb all the way, then started feeling lost and empty.
That kind of feeling which you know you're feeling terrible but you can't exactly explain why.

We didn't have any expectations and yes, we screwed up, but I don't exactly think we would win anyway if you were to see the whole picture. They were tougher, their defence was tight, and although their rebounds were kinda horrible, they could pass.
I don't know, I was feeling lost throughout the entire match and a little emotional when my shots failed terribly. You know it when you have no feel, and when you are asked to just shoot as if the ball will miraculously go in, how would you feel?
My defence was screwed and I caused a lot of turnovers.

Gah, when I was walking home listening to my ipod, I was wondering what on earth I was doing then. totally didn't deserve to play. Then I had a weird thought. I wished nats were over and we don't need to play anymore. It's really weird. I just wanna go back to the fridays when we would spend our time aimlessly shooting hoops and laughing like some retards over nothing.

Indeed, it's our last year, and the next two years will be aimless for me. I gonna continue with bball cos I like the sound of the ball going into the net and the smiles my teammates show when they contributed 2 points, even if it's Qi's ridiculously far layups, or Rae's center moves, or Crystal's crazy shots, or Jingmei's weird 0-angle left-hand layup.....they are all part of the memories, aren't they?
The feeling of fatigue and muscle strain makes me know that I'm actually alive, and at least I'm doing something different from the mundane routine that everyone else is having.

I don't know how to improve and I wouldn't be able to. How to shoot consistently? :/ OH eff.
Now I don't even have the bloody right to teach the juniors how to shoot, or even encourage weiwen to shoot more. When she asked me that day on the mrt after the match, "Christina, how to shoot?, I was lost for words. In my mind, I was thinking "you sure you want to ask me? It's like the blind leading the blind. You don't wanna be such a failure. So what if the shooting form is good and everything?"

Ah, I'm talking too much again. This always happen when I don't filter my thoughts. Nevermind, two years down the road when I'm like Wanting who comes back to see juniors play and I read this post again, I'll be overwhelmed with emotions never felt before. I'll be so busy like the rest, burying their heads in books, competing with each other for just a ridiculous piece of paper called the cert. Despite it being JUST A THIN SHEET OF PAPER, it is enough to control my life and mindset.
Oh damn it.
Seriously if we were to tell the poor nations what we are all fighting for, they would think we are insane. There they are, helping each other survive and hunt for food and feeling pangs of hunger more than often, while we are here fighting over a non-living thing, enjoying the warmth from the sun and coolness from air-conditioners, getting stressed over studies.

I should seriously stop ranting. Whoever who read word by word of this post until here, I salute you. How can people stand my rantings and ravings? Chan, how did you do that!

I'm getting sick and tired of myself. I turn cranky and annoyed easily nowadays. Whywhywhy!
Am I turning into some bad-tempered bitch? Oh no.
I should start reading more often, then at least I can feel detached from reality for around 2 hours. Then when I start walking back home from the library late at night, the breeze will clear things up and by the time I reach home, bathe and sleep, things will be fine the next day (:

No training tomorrow. When I received Ann's message that there was no training tomorrow, the immediate thought was "sian". But it's not like coach will believe we want to train right.


When you decide to cling onto what's gone, you'll realise that what was once a miracle has ceased to exist. Shattered disillusions are merely what's left




dad was really angry today. and I was just a bystander. Stupid siblings of mine; they don't know what's appropriate actions, do they?
nevermind, shan't really elaborate because I'll be spewing nonsense everywhere, and no one can understand it at all.

Today was relatively productive for me, although I slept alot. Took a nap before lunch at 12 and woke up at 2.... slept again at 5.45 to 6:30, and now I gonna go sleep. Tomorrow morning I shall sleep again (: I wonder when I started loving sleeping that much.... I think it was after I feel that sleeping gives me a thorough break and when I wake up feeling energised and refreshed, it's as if I'm given a new lease of life.
And sleep is always good for us, so sleep more people (: and theoretically, my eyebags should be gone by now since I sleep so much, but they are still clinging onto me, stupid things!

Was just thinking, the infliction of hurt can be unconscious, yet it can be really heart-piercing at times. Just like disappointment, it really hurts. Chan experienced disappointment loads of times and I can't exactly I feel as much as her, because its my insensitivity to things which makes me less bothered about particular things.

But I think it's through these emotions of disappointment that we realise how much we treasure the existence of the things. Maybe I should learn to be more aware of my surroundings and more conscious of my words and actions, lest they hurt someone or even myself one day.
Roar, the more I blog and the more I grow, I'll feel that I'm uncovering more flaws of mine.
No matter how much I wish to deny this, there's this hidden side in everyone which yearns to be a perfectionist. Perfection, something yearned so badly by many but it actually makes people flawed.

Met Chan yesterday to do Bio Concept Map. Heng we did it somehow although it was just a draft. Didn't exactly talk a lot because we concentrated on our work (For ONCE man) and bus 89 just had to drive past me :(
heheh. kinda lot of events recently.....

Oh and people, stop GL-ing me so much ahhh! I always believe there's a limit and normally I don't get annoyed but when my mood fluctuates, I wouldn't bother hiding my annoyance. But I guess things aren't that bad so far. Just hope that I wouldn't let my emotions to erupt one day. it's really annoying, if your were in my shoes and having the same thoughts as me.
I don't know, I can only say that I'm really different. i don't think the same way and I don't treat things the same way. All I can say is that I trivialize things, and am exaggeratedly emotional over minute details....


all the best for the match against Naval Base next wednesday(: Never heard of them before but I think we will all play very very hard, since we don't know what to expect and we don't really have any targets anymore. Anyway to have gone so far is already something surprising not only to me, but to many others, so I guess giving it our all and not having any regrets is what we can do, because we don't have any expectations to live up to.


This year's birthday was really memorable cos it was spent at MUN, so no celebrations for me.
Don't know whether it's something worth rejoicing cos I'm the kind who doesn''t see the need for birthday celebrations because they are so redundant. Birthday presents are just so dreaded at times cos there is an obligation to buy gifts too. I know such thinking is really warped, but I hate shopping for presents.

Anyways, thanks to all who wished me happy birthday (: Was really surprised when my wall was spammed with birthday wishes, especially from those whom I hardly talk to. Those smses were really sweeettt too.
And the presents were really unexpected.
Juniors who got me the size 6 ball: REALLYY it was so surprising and I wanted it since long time ago (:
Qi: the pencil case is really pretty, the more I look at it hahah. I just hope that the pen ink doesn't leak if not I'll be heartbroken ):
Kim Siang: thanks for the earpiece which I know is like bloody ex, cos it's the same one as what I'm using now hahah
Jacob: that super long sms made me smile and we hafta mug soon. MUGMUGMUG
Chan: that blog post was super sweet, although I don't fancy that sleeping picture of me roar. But I think the descriptions were really apt and it's amazing how much we influence each other. Eating is an enjoyable thing so don't feel that bad when you're eating okay, although I admit the fats is really frustrating.


Birthday wish for the year was really simple: being happy and myself.
Of course, I did wish for alot of people too, but they can't be said, if not they wouldn't come true right?
Anyway, I think making those wishes come true is much more realistic


Lunch at Swensens today before training. Good food still makes me feel great. Thanks mummy(:


Embark and don't ever alight because the other path would not be easier either


UN Mock Conference ended quicker than I expected. Although there wasn't a sense of nostalgia, I felt a sense of loss when I woke up today. kinda surprising because the first day was horrible. Everyone was so solemn and smart when they could blabber so much, and I was there sitting and rotting, wondering what I should do.

I need to improve on my articulation of words and be more eloquent.
Easier said than done, I can go dream on. But it doesn't really hurt to try

Anyways, during the second day, things got better and I wasn't feeling that lost anymore. People were opening up and smiling more often, talking more casually and in general, things were more carefree and the atmosphere was really great.

Attending MUN was an enriching experience as I came into contact with many issues which I would have never thought about in the past. And I realised I'm interested in economics and worldly issues, especially regarding poverty in Africa.



































Dinner and Dance was another WOW thing for me. I never attended such formal occasions before, and I don't think weddings count, and it has been ages since I attended one.
I think SCGS really planned it very well. All the lightings, food, atmosphere.... they were fabulous and I can only applaud the planning committee for the wonderful work. The dedication, time and effort spent in making it a success - I don't think I would be able to do such a thing in the future.

Anyway, with the loud music, flickering lights and the zihigh-ness where everyone was jumping like mad to the music, I conclude that I aint suitable for going to discos and parties. It would suit me better to read a book, watch a drama or shoot hoops.

And my heels were giving me a bloody headache. Pain like mad.
But anyway I think it was the atmosphere that made everyone shed away their reservations and begin socializing and dancing.
Facebook is really active nowadays and everyone is professing their love for their councils. Hopefully we can meet up one day; I would really like to catch up since the other delegates have such unique personalities and they can be really fun to be with (:






















































Heels, Blazer and stockings for 3 days have made me understand that jerseys and bball shoes are still better.
And that further reiterates the reason why I wouldn't wanna turn older. Work will just murder me



so dazzling yet unreachable

A sudden rush of fatigue overwhelmed me. Just came back from Mock UN and the discussion online was funny at first, then I felt really tired of the research and everything. At least I will feel more prepared about the secondary issue.
Will post pics and more details about everything after the 3rd day(:

My dad asked me to come home earlier tomorrow to celebrate my birthday. Although I'm that kind who doesn't really give much of a heck about birthdays, be it mine or others, there was this sweet tingling feeling.
Thanks DAD (:

我爱你 hehehe.
For many reasons, like fetching me all the way to SCGS this morning, and for giving me so much freedom. Don't worry, I won't stray. teeheh.



The slight glimmer of sunshine in the midst of all confusion.

It gonna rain soon, and I like the smell of the wind and rain now (:
Especially when I feel really confused and panicked about everything. Loss of time and priorities. and Most importantly, focus.

Argh henna is so annoying when it's messy but the result in the end is nice, since it colours my white hair. Though I hafta bear with the smell of horse hay, which I think is weird but Chan says it's okay.

Mahjong was relax time for myself yesterday. Wanted to do something constructive and decided to sit down to play for an hour or so only, but ended up playing for 3 hours -.-
No I'm not addicted! oh gosh.
Hope not.

Got to go do my UN Conference opening speech now. Went to Compass to buy the long-sleeved white shirt and tried on the blazer and everything. With the stockings and heels and BLAH, I conclude bball shoes and big jerseys still fit me better (:

I guess one of the many reasons why I don't want to grow up is because I have to start dressing and be (naturally) more demure and ladylike, for whatever reasons, be it social or just it being part-and-parcel of working dress code...
No matter how much you claim that you have strong principles and are headstrong enough to disallow the surroundings to influence your opinions, decisions and mannerism, you have to admit that suiting the environment gonna make things easier for you.

I just hope that I'll only experience subtle changes, and hopefully not turn into some bimbotic woman with a high-pitched voice and an ultrafake accent. Plaster that image together with long fake eye-lashes and heavy make-up... OH, KILL ME PLEASE.

ARGH, the henna just dripped on my phone when I was receiving a phone call. SHITTY thing.


Clutching on to whatever that's left. Was there any to begin with?




I'm wondering how it feels like to sit on that lonely bench.

And yeps, if you can sense it, my mood has hit rock bottom. This isn't what upsets me; it's the fact that I was feeling super bloody damn happy just now.
Today was the 2 hour day and school started with mock 2.4. Felt kinda good to not stop at all and for once I didn't have those disgusting cramps or stitches. So yay.
LA test was.... okay? Just wondering why that little boy sleepwalks and has a drunk dad. Okay stupid question. Some things are without reason, aren't they?

There are many kinds of people I abhor in this world, and that includes drunks, smokers, and abusers. And most of them are males. Not being a sexist, but still, it's true. Women are gentle creatures (:
like real.

After the test, I rushed to the bball court cos I wanted to play ball, but it turned out that the juniors needed to practise some formation and there was a lack of space so we were like some abandoned kids stoning in the gym.





So we played paper poker cards. Pathetic but we had a really good laugh when creating those cards. Then balled for very long. I was telling Rae that we'll leave when coach chases us out but it turned out that he let us play in the gym manz. I guess he hasn't seen us having so much fun for a very long time. And really, ever since tourns started and expectations were building up, our attitude has changed. Always worried if we make a miss pass, if the layup will be in, if the shot will airball, if our defence has loopholes what will happen, we haven't really enjoyed anything much.

So as a result, we played for a little wayyyyy too long and rachel was late for churchy I think. OOPSIES. okayokay, it's my fault it's my fault. She was repeating that for more than 10 times throughout the entire train journey to Tampines from Aljunied and on the 158 bus ride from school to Aljunied.
Painful experience.
Who asked her to be an E person. And seriously that's a really lame excuse manzzz.

Went to drink Green apple Red tea and it was really nice and I loved it to bits and I suddenly felt blissful. Okay maybe that's not the suitable word, but I felt really happy. Siao one. So I wasn't annoyed at all when I had to squeeze with people on the bus. Normally, I like to squeeze with the crowds in markets and shopping malls but when I'm feeling sticky after a ball game, no way.

Borrowed two nice books from the library and was feeling happy lalalala. Felt very bloated and disgustingly full after dinner and when I switched on the com, my mood fluctuated like mad. Felt very @*(R()#*$@#$
Needed to do something on the computer but I was at a loss. Didn't now what to do and I'm actually still in my PE shirt now stinking the hell out of the room. Okay kidding, not smelly at all but abit sticky.
You can't bathe immediately after you eat if not you'll get fatter quicker.

Roar. Neverminds I shall go take a long hot bath, blow my hair dry and sleep earlier and wake up earlier tomorrow.
wake up early for what, i don't know.

My calves are aching.
That means my calves will ENLARGE and BULGE.
Disgusting vocabulary used to describe your legs but when it's the truth you can't help it argh.

And one stupid mosquito just bit my foot. Don't mosquitoes know how to choose? Hello, I haven't bathed ley. And my blood is definitely not sweet.
which reminds me, who wanna go donate blood with me when I hit my 16th birthday? :)