My head hurts. It's as if something plunged down from the sky and landed on my head with a loud thump. argh.
My ankle is still slightly swollen although it ain't feeling heavy anymore. Practised self-control today when I didn't ball heheheh. Shooting a few balls don't count. But it really irks me when I feel so stupidly heavy and slow.

Got back my results today. They were fine I suppose. Since I mugged kinda lot this year, I can only be satisfied with whatever I have. :/ Blah, screw those who goit darn bloody high results but are still unsatisfied. Can't stand those people whining and complaining about how they can get higher marks and how careless they are blahblah.
Seriously, it only hurts one's morale. Makes me feel stupid.

This year gonna come to a close soon. Time passed really fast, and we gonna hit 16 soon. Never realised we got this far did we?


Exams are over.
I know this post is like, super lag, but I didn't really have the time and mood to blog.... :/

Sprained my ankle today. It felt and was horrible. Went to the sinseh just now and I can feel my ankle being heavy and aching. Darn. Trust the first day of training to turn out like that. Thought alot after training, and maybe even too much..... I guessed I look horrid then, but thanks Crystal loads for lending a listening ear(:
I wish my ankle recovers fast, cos it really sucks when your movements are restricted and you have to mind every action, in case you're over-exerting yourself.
And as usual, my dad made alot of noise. I really hate facing nags although I know that they're right most of the time.

Forgot what I wanted to type and I don't really have the mood anymore. I'm really bored of everything now manz. Gonna continue this soon.


Have been slacking my ass off the past few days and although I think I basically know most of the stuffs, I feel super unprepared.
AH WHAT THE HELL.

Shouldn't have slacked like some nobody's business man. It's really hard to get my emotions and attitude back on track.
But nevertheless, last friday was real fun. Balled with Comint and Crystal, and although the environment was kinda horrible because of the lack of wind and the sultry sun, touching the ball once again felt really great. Although the touch is long gone and I'll probably take like million years to get it back again, I felt kinda carefree.... or how would you put it? Ah. Too lazy to think. Shall just express myself in baby terms.

Then met up with gang (heh) and queued for an hour or more for dinner at Ashtons. Caught up alot, laughed at little things, and felt the close bond again despite not having seen each other for months.
Must plan okay!
Definitely not me, cos you know that not only will it be a great failure, the meet-up wouldn't even be carried out :/

Gonna turn in soon, because it's the battle against physics and chinese tomorrow. Two horrible subjects which I suck at, big time.

All the best people, don't give up(:

two more days, to attaining freedom from the suffocating pressure of exams.


The days passed by faster than I expected, and tomorrow will be day 3 already. Man, time really passes quickly. To think I was still lamenting about how far exams were, when I was most aware that I would not have enough time if I continued procrastinating.


I'm blasting Straight through my heart in the room, and ah, solitude is soothing and calm. I know it's contradictory, but I've been feeling kind of weird nowadays. Sudden mood swings and emotions going on rollercoaster rides, unexplainable and distant.


Credits to Stock Exchange.

Haven't posted pictures for really long and this purply sunset made me feel mysterious. A different queer emotion evoked.
Oh damn, I have the least idea of what I'm posting. I seem to be spamming posts like mad, as if I've loads of time to spare. :/

Today was surprisingly constructive lol. At least I finished the things I wanna. Tomorrow gonna be a long day and the battle gonna start.

I was just thinking randomly, at what age do you want to leave your house, escape the clutches of your parents, embrace the real society out there and be self-sufficient? It's not like I'm abandoning my parents or anything, cos that's another total different thing, but what I was thinking is about self-sufficiency and independence.

I know I yearn independence and freedom alotalot, that's why I really abhor my parents nagging at the late times I reach home, but I know the society is critical, harsh and unforgiving. We have been protected and life has been comfortable for us, and even if we were to fail at times, there was always our parents to cushion the fall and make it less painful. And I think it's easier said than done to climb up after the fall.

And what about tending to those bruises which will scar the past forever?
What about stereotypical thinking that the present is the reminder of the past, and if changes were not made, the past would be reflected in the future?

sian. We can't get the best of both worlds can we?
:(

I want the best of both worlds man. Like, if people were to ask you to choose between a burger and spaghetti, why can't we just answer: I WANT BOTH! and then we'll have a yummy sumptuous meal, and everyone's happy(: I know it's a bad comparison, but I'm feeling hungry now and it's too late to cook instant noodles. OR MAYBE I CAN actually..... ha, okay I shall consider feeding that hungry bug in my tummy later. I feel great at the thought of food.


Why are we made to choose?


stupid shitty thing.
I seem to lose focus more than usual nowadays, just when I need it most. Ahhh :(
Got to get back on track and stuffs. I really feel kinda lazy now, although I know it's already the last lap. Get it over and done with manmanman.
I need motivation.
motivation
motivation

To Love Again by Alesha Dixon is nice(:
How does it feel to be young again? Gosh I feel old.
Although I have many years ahead of me and stuffs like that, I did wonder about things that gonna happen in the future.
Like I did tell myself that I would die as a contented woman at the age of 60, and the only thing that I really seek for is having the capability to go round the world.... But i need money :/ Nah, I don't need love and a companion and blahblahblah and all the stereotypical stuffs to accompany me the last few years of my life cos I believe self-sufficiency will walk me through. I just need super close friends who don't mind the way I am, taking in all my horribly bad habits like spitting food and drinks out if I hear something alarming or amusing. lol.

Which reminds me of yesterday. Stupid qi said something, then i just spit out the water. The guy who was walking in my direction was quite shocked, although he wasn't affected by the ribena. hehehe.

Mass cleared of my iTunes library, realised I actually listen to quite alot of crap. And I've really really old songs that can make me fall asleep, but it feels great to listen to them on a stormy night.

>> Qi: lol. nothing lah

My fav class pic, koped from chan's blog(:



tonight, another stormy night?


I used to think that airports made people feel melancholic when people left, yet one can feel euphoric after seeing people reunite. The sweet feeling that tingles has the power to uplift the mood and make things seem more peaceful. I don't know, just had the thought, since my mum and aunt just left the house for the airport. Gonna go somewhere for some days; forgot the details. Didn't really bother asking anyways, I just wished her bon voyage, gave her a long hug, and she left. Didn't follow my siblings to send her off, because I don't wanna cope with the nagging feeling when I leave the place.

Today's photo taking was kinda a waste of time. -.- But I did maths, so it's fine, although I could have did more, if only my brain didn't freeze or konk out.

Our paths once crossed, and they still probably do, but it doesn't matter anymore, because we didn't realise that we didn't walk through the journey long enough, nor did we do everything hand in hand. Surface value discussions was a deceiving facade for the strong bond people thought we shared. Maybe even we were taken in by those laughters which were short-lived and patronising to some extent, but we chose to believe that we were brooding over matters too much, and maybes everyone was just having fun.
We probably were, I don't know.
You definitely was.
Extension of social circles like a wire coil; did that make things better and more fulfilling? How does it feel to say hellos to 10 people in a row, and have a smile seemingly plastered on your face? I don't know, I would feel terrible and my mouth once ached before (my mouth can actually ache man). I rather have long laughters that make my stomach and mouth ache.

I wonder why things still prompt me to think, even when I hurled them to the back of my head. Telling myself that things are enough at this conjuncture and we probably can just sit back and watch how events unfold isn't enough, is it?

stop this train.
this train of thoughts
never ending
never fulfilling
why pursue it when it will lead nowhere?

Just need something to preoccupy my mind because I've seriously been mentally and physically unfit.
Let's just hope exams will be over in a flash before we even expect it.


when everything falls apart and you can never ever pick the pieces up again, you wish there was something to make life worth living for.

Did much reflection today. Had a bad quarrel when I reached home, so things didn't really turn well for me. Sat down and did some reflection on my diary before mugging and it felt really good to let off steam. Steam or tears, they're the same I guess. Water in different states lol.

I guess the bottom line is, only after losing some then will you appreciate what you gain thereafter. And I think it's really true. We always wish for something non-existent, or we'll try improving the way things are. Never satisfied with status quo, we constantly search for things to make life less mundane but we'll never realise that things are fine the way they are, right?
I don't know, I think I really grew up these 3 years, and that mental change is scaring me. Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be laid-back and nonchalant about the surrounding changes, because the feeling of being carefree and beholden to nothing is something worth seeking for.


Andand, I'm really in awe of your dedication. Didn't really realise it until today when I thought of it. It gonna spur me on to achieve even more; things that I once thought were impossible. But really, that was one motivation I needed manz, although I don't think you even know it.

Footprints left and erased, what's left behind?


Was sleeping like a pig this afternoon so I guess I've to do some productive revision and get things done now.
Bio is really a headache, but I think if you really concentrate, things can really be done. It's only a matter of self-discipline and having no life.

Speaking of having no life, I really had none yesterday. Straight after school, crystal and I went to the library to mug maths.. It's Friday yet we're actually doing that -.- Walked around the school for an hour and commented about how muggy dhs people are, since the basketball court were completely empty. ha, I guess everyone wants to do their very best.

I was reading my archives randomly and I was shocked. Didn't realise that I actually spoke like that, like you know, stupid children terms. Sounded so juvenile and pathetically simple, considering the fact that I took almost everything at surface value, and there was hardly any thinking or brooding over stuffs, except for rantings and ravings about daily mundane life -.- And all those stupid smiley faces and emoticons like this --> >< =)) and exclamation marks !!! and my proclamation of love for everyone... ew.
Seriously, SIAO -.-
AH.
I felt so terribly disgusted that I contemplated deleting my archives, but decided otherwise, since they could remind me of events that I forgot. My opinions of people then, didn't even occur to me, and it is kinda amazing how my perspective and mindset changed in just a matter of years.

Yeah, talking about change. changechangechange. Was talking to my mum that day and we were sharing about many things. Told her about the changes about my friends (okay, acquaintances), and she said that life was just like that. People walked in and out of your life, leaving footprints, but not necessarily making any impact on you. We can't possibly keep everything by our side, since perspectives change, opinions change, people change, we change.

Yeah, so maybe cos you changed and we could not catch up with your change, that's why things are what they are now? The distance grew as the days went by, the long awkwardness of having nothing to say made the silence even louder; everything was unspoken, yet everyone was well-aware of the drastic change, but no one was willing to break the ice and bring up the topic, as if it was a taboo. Or maybe it was because we just didn't bother, because of what we perceived as a meaningless effort to revive a shallow friendship or because we didn't know how to manage the silent moments which will only become longer if things didn't turn out the way we hoped it would have, I seriously don't know.
I agreed with my mum that it takes two hands to clap, but it only takes one to break the awkwardness. Things were already bad enough, but you just had to go one step further. Now, not only do we have nothing to say, we have to ignore the presence of each other and treat it as something non-existent. Things will turn more awkward when exams are over. Really.

Sigh.
The turn of events really really make me wonder; what's about friendship that makes it stronger and what's in the relationship that makes things go U-Turn and everything just turns drastic and starts going downhill? Discussed this with Chan like godzillion times and still have not come to a conclusion. The problem about me is that, when I think, I want a conclusion that is satisfactory, not patronizing. And when I think, I can't really stop my train of thoughts. Nor can I ignore it totally.
Kinda bad, since I need to learn to let things go.

Ah, back to mugging.
mugmugmug.
My siblings gonna go downstairs to play with firework sticks lol. Wonder if I gonna join them, cos I'm feeling really lazy.
Gotta study the basics first before practising.
A Maths is driving me nuts. stupid thing that doesn't make any sense except making you go bonkers.

OHOH, and I found renee's book(: It was standing nicely on the shelf, together with a few other books which have not been returned lol. Was searching for TKAM and Merchant of Venice notes for Hunghui and uncovered it. I think that's what they say about getting things in return for doing a good deed. Didn't know the book was there all along, and to think I thought I accidentally dropped it in the library bookdrop all the while -.-

Tag Replies:
Qi>> =.=
Rae>> very enthu horh. I hate running on threadmills, there's no target at all lo. and you know what, don't gl lah -.-
Jacob>> lol yeah set. mugmugmug. I nidda help on physics siaz.


Isn't it crazy how day turns into night
Isn't it crazy how things can be going so right
And all of a sudden you're going way too fast
lost control of the wheel and there's no way to get back
Stop this Train (Claude Kelly)

when there's no way to stop it, you just have to go with the flow